highside

High Side

12-04-07

This is an e-mail sent to me by one of my non-cop friends from Texas. I thought it was pretty accurate and here it is…

When the Lord was creating cops, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order? A peace officer has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his uniform."

"He has to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day."

"He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals.
And he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "it's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks, "May I see what's in there, sir?" (When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.) "Another pair here in the side of his head for his partners' safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, 'You'll be all right ma'am,' when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of the peace officer very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes; recite Miranda warnings in its sleep; detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop ... and still it keeps its sense of humor. This officer also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the peace officer. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord, "it's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."

"You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.

Ride safe, Ernie

11-29-07

Sometimes the best laid plans don’t seem t work out. I had planned to attend the Christmas GP at The Hack after I got off work at 0800 hours on Tuesday morning. Then I noticed on the entry form that my race would be at 0915 hours. There just isn’t any way I can get out of here in Hesperia and be there in time to be ready for the race time. It’s probably a blessing in disguise though as I have not ridden since the beginning of October. The last thing I want to do is take my horribly out of shape body out to the track for an hour long race and auger myself into the ground.

After much thought and consideration, I have decided to relinquish my position on the Race Committee. I have done it for a few years now and ultimately made the decision that it is time to allow another willing FPMX’er(s) to have an opportunity to be a part of the rider and track evaluation process. Being a member of the Race Committee is another way someone can become involved and help the FPMX.

Some great news comes from our household. My lovely woman got promoted to Sergeant this last week. It has been (IMHO) long time coming and most certainly well deserved. Cherie has, as a Corporal, been cast into a Sergeants roll on many occasions and showcased her supervisory abilities. The main man (the Sheriff) has seen fit to reward her for her hard work and dedication. She has been assigned to the Administrative Support Unit of our Detentions and Corrections Bureau. The bonus is the position comes with a company car and some on call pay. I could not be more proud of her.

Ride safe, Ernie

11-21-07

With the Christmas GP coming up I decided I had better get to riding again. Since getting our Rhino a few months back I have really lacked any motivation to do anything with motorcycles, including my street bike. There are some other reasons for my burned out mentality but those are not for a public environment. Hence, part of the reason for the ridiculously tardy High Side. I think we all go through it occasionally.

The bike looks great with the white plastic and the Henry replica kit. I took on my annual Texas motocross vacation. It rained almost the entire time we were there and that made for some pretty snotty riding conditions. I watched in horror as the wet red Texas clay stuck to my new plastic like glue. After just a couple of laps you could not tell what color the plastic was on my trusty YZ or for that matter any other bike on the track. To top things off on our Sunday race I crashed in the slop in the second moto and must have whacked my melon because I do not remember the crash. I parked the bike and didn’t ride for the remainder of the trip. It was a good thing it happened on the Sunday event because we only had one more day of riding to accomplish. I nursed my headache with copious amounts of liquid Darvon and felt much better afterwards.

It took me a whole tank of gas in the pressure washer to get the bike cleaned up. That Texas clay dries like concrete and is very difficult to get off the bike. I will say though, it did not stain my plastic like I thought it would. I hadn’t ridden the bike since I got home from that trip and I need to get it going so I can have some fun at the GP.

I won’t be able to accept Ed’s challenge for the iron man race. I have to work the night prior to the GP and the night of the GP so I’m going to show up and race the 50+ class and head home for some sleep. What is that you say??...no 50+ class??...HUH?? I guess I’ll ride the 40-99 Int class and wait for Ed to poop out after a lap so he and I can dice for last place!!

Ride safe, Ernie

09-11-07

What were you doing 6 years ago when America came under attack?

I was in the first week of a two-week Sergeants school in San Diego. I watched the television in horror at what was happening before my very eyes. I was in disbelief as America, the good country, could not possibly be subject to acts of terrorism. Then, the second plane struck and the reality of it all became painfully obvious.

I was afraid for my family, for my comrades and for the very citizens (and non-citizens) we are sworn to protect. Every one of us were on our phones first to our families and then to our departments. Law enforcement across the nation was put on high alert and we all believed we would be leaving the class and headed back to our areas of responsibility. None of us were called back to our departments however, we were all put on notice of an immediate return if necessary.

The emotions ranged from anger to sadness. I was in disbelief as I watched people jump from windows 75+ floors above ground in the belief they stood a better chance of survival than to stay in the building. To watch the towers fall was devastating. To know so many innocent people perished as a result of these acts of terror angered me. To know the people on Flight 93 gave of themselves for the benefit of others was one of the most selfless acts I have ever witnessed.

The reality that we as Americans are not immune to these types of attacks was sobering.

Godspeed.

Ernie

07-02-07

Rounds 5 & 6 at Competitive Edge went along pretty well. The track was in better shape than I thought it would be after the Ponca qualifier on the Sunday before our event. The wind on Monday wasn’t very fun and the weather up here this year has been the most unpredictable of the past several years. All in all it was a good couple of days of racing. I sure hope those who were injured have a complete recovery and Kris Waters still has some ass left after his wife is done with him!!

The 50+ class had some great racing with Greg Green, Keith Ehlers (on a borrowed Yamaha) and me going at it lap after lap. Greg Green and I have been racing against each other for over 20 years and whoever is on their game that day, or even that moto, will get the win. Keith Ehlers was riding that borrowed YZ 426 pretty danged good too. The guy can hardly walk but when he gets on a bike you would never know he has a bum ankle. I am looking forward to the last couple of rounds (but no The Hack) of the series.

Russ did well on his oral interview and got a start date for the academy on July 16th. We went to the uniform store and got him outfitted with uniforms and whatnot. We still have a couple things to get but for the most part he is ready to go. As the time is getting closer he is getting more nervous but so did I. I am sure he will do just fine and, no, I will not order pizza’s to be delivered on day one!!

Ride safe, Ernie

05-25-07

I was talking to the Grand Master of the FPMX (Ed) a couple days ago and inquired about Sue’s attendance at rounds 5 & 6. He asked why and I told him since I scared her away from rounds 3 & 4 with my threat of getting dressed outside of the Boardroom I needed to know if she was going to be at Competitive Edge. The odd thing is he said he didn’t know. I think he is protecting her!

I'm working a relief shift now and my schedule is very different than what I'm used to working. I got a rare opportunity to ride Competitive Edge on Tuesday with a group of FPMX’ers. I hadn’t been there in a few weeks and the rumors of poor track prep had me a bit concerned. Those fears were quickly put to bed as the track prep seemed fine to me. No track I have ever ridden is prepped the same way for practice days as it is on race days. Race day prep is always better than practice day prep. If that stands true, we will be in for some fun on a great track.

I have ridden there several times in the past and there were a couple of jumps that caused my man-gina to override my skills. I knew I had the skills to do them but I just could not bring myself to sack up. I ended up following Rob Cosner over one of them and Dan Hadfield over the other one. As is so typical after you do them you think sheesh that was no big deal.

While there on Tuesday Dennis Romero and I evaluated the track and obstacles. The track is safe for all riders and we may make one or possibly two jumps off limits for the lower skill levels. It’s not that we think Beginner and Novice riders cannot do the obstacle(s) but with the large number of entries in those classes we do not want injuries to happen because some will do them and some will not do them. We will decide when the remainder of the Race Committee is there to view the track for themselves. The obvious reminder is to ride within your own abilities and skill level.

As is usual for cops and firemen we wait until the last minute to do things but time is running down to get your pre-entries in to Ed by the end of the month. You can save yourself a substantial amount on entry fees by using the pre-entry system. Here is the link http://www.firepolicemx.com/register_online.htm

Ride safe, Ernie

04-30-07

Rounds 3 and 4 at The Hack certainly lived up to my expectations for participation and track conditions. I expected the attendance at the event to be good and I am sure Ed and Sue appreciate that since they took such a financial beating during the 06 season. I also expected the lackadaisical approach to track prep that we have become so accustomed to at The Hack. All in all, it was a great event and I hope those who were injured have a complete recovery and will be back with us soon.

Prior to the national I had Gerald of Sick Suspension, my long time suspension guy do some valving changes to the forks and shock for me. I told him what I was experiencing on the track and he said he would make the appropriate changes for me. I have 100% trust in him and when I went to Racetown to on the Friday before the national try it out I knew he had once again done a great job. I was now ready (well, not really) for the hack and the chance to race my long time nemesis Greg Green.

After practice on Monday I immediately and completely regretted my decision of not joining the FPMX crew for some of the pre-race practice sessions there. I had been used to riding the prepped and maintained tracks of Competitive Edge and Racetown in preparation for the event. I was totally unprepared for the chop, slop and suburban sized braking bumps that awaited us. On Monday I was in survival mode and did not push myself. After carbo loading on Coors Light (thanks Mark!!) Monday night I felt good for Tuesday. I pushed myself and got a good finish for both motos.

The shindig Monday night in the Compound went very well. The food was great and I would like to say a big THANK YOU to all that helped out the Compound by bringing some dishes to add to the potluck. Without your help we would not have had enough food for all that attended. Steve and Debbie Marquez brought out a very nice music machine that supplied us with some pretty good karaoke songs for the kids that sang along. Debbie and Ken Armstrong got up and did a great replay of Bon Jovi too. I ran over to Steve to see if he had the River Dance song to play. I was hoping to see Ken stop whatever he was doing and start dancing. Steve did not have it but that would have been freaking hilarious.

Ride safe, Ernie

04-11-07

Today has been filled with activity. Worked this morning and I took the Lieutenants test this afternoon. After the test I am mentally shot out (more than usual!!) and just want to come home and relax. As soon as I leave the parking lot I turn on the phone and one of my buddies left a message telling me there is a nasty crash on the northbound I-15 by the Hwy 395 exit in Hesperia. The freeway is completely blocked and traffic is already backed up all the way down to the I-15/I-215 interchange…Swell. I decide I will head north through San Bernarghetto (with my gat on my lap) to Hwy 18 and take Hwy 138 through Crestline and get to the house the back way. It was a slow, long and winding road but as I dropped down the hill and caught a glimpse of Lake Silverwood I forgot about the crummy drive.

As I drove by the south side of the lake I could eyeball my favorite fishing hole and decided that after rounds 3 and 4 are memories I’m going to break out the boat and get back on the lake. I have a few fishing buddies from work and after the first time they go with me they think I’m a bit of a nut. I have a methodical ritual I go through and some of my fishing buds don’t like it. My ritual is to get on the water and to my favorite spot as soon as possible after the lake opens. That way I know no one else will get MY spot. I get anchored up and then the ritual continues.

I like to have my tackle box in a certain part of the boat and facing a certain way. I bait my hooks a certain way and don’t vary because what I have done for years works. I have to cast the lines into the water a certain way and if I don’t like the cast I’ll reel it back in and do it again. I like to have my poles positioned a certain way so I can watch both lines at the same time without much effort. Yes, two lines because a real fisherman pays for the extra pole stamp on his license. I then wipe my hands and get ready for the real ritual.

After I’m happy with the boat placement, bait placement, line placement and pole placement, I then reach for the ice chest (yes, positioned a certain way) to grab an ice cold Silver Bullet. I don’t care if it is only 6am, fishing without a beer in hand is sacrilegious. After I crack that nectar of the God’s, I’ll reach into my jacket for a cigar. Yes, they are placed into my pocket in a certain way so I know which is the good one I’m going to smoke and which is the one filled with cow turds that I’m giving to the mooch who is with me. At this moment of peace and quiet, a beer and a fine cigar, my day is now complete. If something bites the bait and hook then that is just a bonus. If it is big enough to keep and eat then I’ve won the fish lotto. If not, I’ll throw it back to be caught another day. Life is good.

Ride safe, Ernie

04-09-07

I had plans to get to Racetown on Saturday to get in some saddle time but it did not work out. Since I was sick a month ago with some crud I just haven’t felt 100% since. Then a week to ten days ago we get a few warm days and things start to bloom and I then start my annual sinus and allergy problems. I get up early Saturday morning with the thought of just going out and putting in some easy laps at the track. I look outside and the wind is blowing so hard the fog is passing by the bedroom window parallel to the ground. No riding for me in that kind of mess as I already did not feel all that well and did not want to make it worse. I then immediately crawled back into bed and warmed my cold feet on Cherie’s back!!

When I read Sue’s Inside the FPMX and did not see any retort to my last HS I was a bit surprised. Sue has a great sense of humor that I really appreciate but with no reply present I figured I had crossed the unspoken line. I even talked with Ed to make sure Sue was not mad at me for my slam on her boys. Ed assured me she was not mad but made it even clearer that I could expect retribution. Ed down played his roll in the action but my educated guess is she has conspired with Ed and they will double team me at The Hack. It’s all good.

Rounds 3 and 4 are just a week away. I have already got my fire tub and a pile of fire wood stacked up next to the Cabin in anticipation of the ritual (one of many) that takes place inside the compound at the fall/winter/spring races. I have set aside some nice cigars for Russ, Mark and I to enjoy on Sunday evening after we barbeque. I have even secured a bottle of my favorite whiskey so I can drown my sorrows on Monday night after I realize my aching body is telling me I’m in such pathetic shape. I like to think of that bottle as liquid Vicodin!!

Ride safe, Ernie

03-31-07

I’m pretty anxious to be healthy and back in the compound for rounds 3 & 4 at The Hack. I didn’t think missing the ACP rounds would have such an effect me like it did. I have talked about it on previous occasions here in the High Side about how much I appreciate the friendships and camaraderie that happens at the FPMX events.

I wanted to go riding this weekend but Cherie had the truck for the weekend. It was one of her biannual trips with her mom and their horse riding friends to Cross Ranch. This afternoon my F-I-L and I rode our street bikes out to the ranch to have supper with our women. I ended up being the barbecue chef for burgers and hot dogs and that was fine with me. We rode back home at dusk and the smoke from the Hesperia fire almost choked us out. It was thick and the ashes falling looked like snow but we made it home safe and sound.

In Sue’s article she has mentioned how she likes to watch Ryan Hughes get dressed. Despite the fact she is intent to wed Chad Reed she makes no attempt to hide the fact that she ass gazes Hughes. She also mentions that she rates Ryan’s as being the best ass in motocross. Seems to be a fickle woman there. I have decided while at The Hack I’m going to carry my gear bag over to the Board Room or Dreyer’s Den or whatever it is called to get myself dressed in the mornings before practice. I’ll give Sue an opportunity to avoid seeing, yet again, a sagging foundation savers ass while he gets dressed. If she thinks Hughes has a fine one she needs to take a gander out her window to see what the ass of a two fisted, steely eyed, western lawman looks like. She will promptly kick Ed to the curb and will thereafter be found socializing in the compound!

Ride safe, Ernie

03-19-07

Wow, I feel like a train has hit me and then backed up over me to make sure it got me. Russ, Jack and Shane Childs, Matt Mayer and I went to Competitive Edge on Sunday for some moto practice. The excitement started Saturday night as I prepped the bike. Since I had not been on the bike since the middle of December I was giddy with excitement and even had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night.

The temperature is perfect but the wind is blowing about 15 miles and hour. Not bad but just enough to need to be careful over the jumps with cross wind. Because CE gets so crowded on the weekends they split up practice to “make it safer” for all of the riders. The dirt was perfectly prepped and the track had some changes since the last time I had been there.

Since I was 3rd practice I went to the new “hill” track. It uses some natural elevation changes and was also prepped very well. I was concerned about my left knee that I banged up at work a couple months ago but it felt surprisingly good. I’m not sure if I was ignoring the pain because of the fun factor or it is actually healed up! I took it slow at first and then worked up my speed as I learned the track. I was having so much fun riding on the “hill” track I missed my practice on the “main” track…DUH!

When I got back to the truck to take a break I could tell I had not ridden for a while. My shoulders were already sore and my hands were telling me I should have eased up on the death grip I had on the bars! I took a break and then hit both of the next practices on the “main” track. It too had some changes but was basically the same as in December. I relearned the “main” track fairly quick and decided to step up the pace. I quickly realized I could hold that pace for about 2-3 laps (on the shortened version) before my tongue was hanging in the front spokes…and that hurts! I backed it down to about 75%, rode the rest of the time at that pace and had a blast.

This morning my body is in total shock at the whipping it took yesterday. If I can get myself out of bed (without help) on Tuesday morning I plan to meet the fellas at CE for some more practice.

Ride safe, Ernie

03-12-07

First I’d like to say I’m truly sorry to read that Joe Oehlhof has left the FPMX team. In the past I have talked to Joe a few times and I think he is a pretty cool guy with mad dirt bike skills. If it truly is the bike holding him back then I hope his transition to the Kawasaki will be fast and smooth. I know this has to be disappointing for Ed and the entire FPMX supercross team because Joe can use his experience to help educate the younger riders. That kind of experience is tough to replace. I am also glad to see that Ed has graciously agreed to keep Joe on as a support rider. I wish him the best and I hope we will see him in some mains before the end of the year.

The threads on the message board about going to The Hack to practice for the upcoming rounds of the nationals have me in a quandary. I need to get in some saddle time in a bad way but there is no secret about my lack of desire to go to The Hack to practice. With the exception of the 100+ mile drive I mirror Kris Waters thoughts he posted in that thread, “Driving 100+ miles to bend my wheels, get flat tires, and have my hands bleed is more commitment than I can bear. Besides, that would interfere in my dedication to be 100% unprepared for the races.”

I have come to realize that I will be no match for Greg Green at these rounds of the nationals but that is ok. I’ll ride at a pace I feel comfortable with and when Greg does his best Darcy Lange lawn dart impression I’ll stop to make sure he is ok and when he says he is ok I’ll then roost him as I speed away. I just hope he doesn’t get up and catch me because then he will do his best impression of Bradshaw (him) stuffing Matasivich (me) into the cheap seats. I know Greg wouldn’t do something like that to me on purpose but he can always apologize and claim he was out of control. You wouldn’t really do that would you Greg?

I can say with absolute certainty that on Sunday afternoon, April 15, I am looking forward to coasting down the pass with the Cabin in tow. I truly missed not making the ACP rounds and hanging around the compound. What I missed the most was not the racing but the friends of the compound while sitting by the fire(s) and smoking cigars, drinking beverages of choice and swapping insults with The MotoRooter. Come the middle of April, life will be all good again.

Ride safe, Ernie

02-19-07

Lately I’ve battling through the age-old syndrome called moto depression. Anyone who has ridden for more than a short time knows what I’m talking about. We have all gone through it at some time or another. I haven’t been able to ride because of the sore knee but it is finally feeling better. As a matter of fact it feels good enough to try out at the track. I planned to go to test out the knee this last weekend but on Friday I got the crud that has been going around at work and the result is a nasty case of bronchitis. It figures.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine in Texas who told me a group of them had gotten together and reserved two suites at Reliant Stadium for the supercross. They had some extra tickets and the wheels in my head started turning. I had enough air miles that the flight wouldn’t cost anything so all I would need was a place to stay and some cash for meals. Long story short, the CEO was cool with it so I booked my flight. While there I took one of my buds (and I hate to admit it but he is a retired hose dragger) to the FPMX rig. He was so impressed with the rig and the professionalism if the team that he offered to be their chef for next year’s event. Howard makes a fantastic deep fried turkey and I’m sure Ed and the crew would appreciate his efforts.

I called Joe Benson to see if he would be in the states and he said he was going to be in Oklahoma City to conduct some training. I told him my plans and he said Cindy had flown in to OC to be with him and they would like to join the fun. My friends were more than happy to have J and C join us and especially glad they didn’t have to eat the extra tickets. We met at the airport and the remainder of the weekend was a blur. The racing was good, the company was good and the trip as a whole was short but more fun than a man should be allowed to legally have.

Russ took the deputy test this last Tuesday. He called me last night to tell me he had received his notification that he had passed. He will now need to take the physical agility test in a week. Russ is 21 and should pass that test just fine. Heck, he is tall enough that he could probably step over the 6’ wall. It sure makes a dad proud to see his son wanting to follow in his foot steps in a career that is so noble. I’m so glad he decided to forego the fireman route. What the heck would I do if he decided to go that way? I couldn’t bag on him like I do the rest of you foundation savers! I am more proud of him than you can imagine.

Ride safe, Ernie

01-29-07

Well, tomorrow my vacation is over and I must head back to the daily routine. At this time in my career I enjoy every vacation and every minute away from the station. I like my job, the station I work at and the employees who work there. I saw one of our young deputies at Home Depot a couple of days ago and he asked if I was anxious to come back to work. I told him I could stay on vacation for a year and I wouldn’t miss the office and he looked at me like I had stolen his favorite balloon. I explained to him that I have the same passion for the job today as I did over 28 years ago when I raised my right hand and swore my oath. That won’t change until the day I retire and have to turn in all of my gear. I remember back to my younger days as a new deputy and realize when I look at these kids I’m looking into a mirror. They are good kids and I truly appreciate their enthusiasm for the job.

I went to Racetown on Sunday to hang out with Russ and some kids from the shop. I took the camera and snapped almost a hundred photos of them came out good and some bad, very bad! Even my best photos are not close to the caliber of photos taken by Chuck Dollison. While I was at different places out on the track I realized how much I missed being at ACP for rounds 1 and 2. The smell of race gas, the sound of storming thumpers and the atmosphere of being at the track were grabbing at me. I wanted to ride so badly but the knee just isn’t ready to ride. I was hoping that while on vacation the knee would feel better but unfortunately it does not. I’m going to have to go get it checked out.

On Monday night of the national Haz called to tell me the group from the compound were all sitting around the campfire just like we always do. It said it was cold but being a true fireman they had a big fire stoked up in the fire tub(s). I missed enjoying a fine cigar and a silver bullet with Mark (MD 03), busting Haz’s balls for being a fireman, having a battle of wits with GiGi (Mrs. Haz/Moto Rooter), playing “one time, at band camp” with Mike (Walker, BLM ranger) and everyone else who hangs out at the compound. I have decided that even if I can’t race the rounds at The Hack I’ll make every effort to still attend. I have a ton of fun on the track but I truly appreciate the friendships of my brethren in public safety.

Ride safe, Ernie

01-09-07

It has been an interesting last week. Work has been crazy with the dreaded Post Holiday And Mindless Act Syndrome (PHAMAS). This last Friday was no different when right after dayshift briefing concluded CHP’s Air 83 advised they had a Lojak hit on a stolen vehicle. The area where the hit was coming from was just a couple blocks from the station. I grab my war bags and head out of the W/C’s office. We affectionately call our station the Winchester Mystery House because of the half dozen add ons that have occurred over the years. There are uneven floors, rooms off of rooms and a stairwell that goes, well, nowhere.

As I round one of the corners I drive my foot into one of the uneven areas of the floor. My foot immediately stops but the rest of my leg keeps moving, via my knee joint. I didn’t know a knee could bend the way mine did but it did. I felt a pop and pain but continued on in my quest to lead my troops into the battle with the enemy. We found the G-Ride but it was unoccupied. I got out of my patrol car and tracked the suspect’s footprints for about a half mile. I knew my knee was sore but the adrenaline of the chase masked the pain. We eventually lost the footprints and I headed back to my unit.

In order to make a long story short, by my end of watch my knee swelled up bigger than Officer Arrester’s head and hurt like heck. I tried to stay off of it as much as possible on my days off but I had to prepare the Cabin in the event I thought I would be able to make it to rounds 1 and 2. After much internal debate, I decided it would be best if I didn’t try to race the first rounds. I’m very disappointed because I have been practicing and preparing the bike to give my nemesis of many years, Greg Green, and recovering 50+ fast guy Keith Ehlers a run for their money for the 50+ national championship.

You all have fun in Arizona, ride safe and please ride within your abilities.

Ernie

010207

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I made out pretty good with some goodies for the bike, some clothes and a really cool book about old fishing lures. I (we) have a few old fishing poles hanging in our office/computer room. One belonged to Cherie’s grandmother and it has an original time lure hanging off of it. I have several old lures from my dad’s tackle box but one really brings back some memories. It is a small snake (worm) I made with my Creepy Crawler Machine for my dad back in the middle 60’s. When we moved to California in 1966 we met a friend of his and went bass fishing. Dad hooked into a very nice bass and as he was bringing it onto the boat it broke the line and off went his yellow/red/black Creepy Crawler worm that had landed him many bass. He was crushed but I was in tears. Mom wouldn’t let me bring my Creepy Crawler machine with us when we moved here. About 2 hours later we are headed back along the same shore line and dad hooks into another bass. As he got the fish closer to the boat I saw the yellow/red/black Creepy Crawler worm hanging out of its mouth. This time dad was able to land that big boy and he got his favorite lure back. I don’t know who was happier, dad or me.

Yesterday I was replacing the struts in the commuter car when the phone rang, it was Slot Blackjack, the team manager for Team San Manuel Yamaha. I hadn't talked to him in a while (or forever for that matter) and he told me of Chad Reed’s injury. He asked, "have you been riding" and I told him, "I have been practicing and getting ready for rounds 1 & 2 of the FPMX Nationals". He asked me “what kind of shape are you in” and I quickly replied “Well Slot, round is a shape”. He said “good, be at the Yamaha test track in Corona first thing in the morning”. I said, HUH? He said, “we need a replacement for Reed and since Ed Wiltson is injured, you’re it”. HUH? He said, “You will be Chad’s backup rider in case he can’t ride Saturday night at A-1”. HUH?, WHAT? It was right then the alarm clock went off and I jumped out of bed thinking I was gonna get to ride Reed’s factory YZ450F, yeah baby!! As shook the cobwebs out and was getting into the shower Cherie asked me why I kept saying “HUH?” in my sleep. It was then that reality struck me like a ton of bricks. I explained the dream to her and she just laughed and walked out of the bathroom while muttering something to the effect of 'grow up old man'. Oh well, even if was only in my own twisted mind I was a factory racer for a minute!!

Ride safe, Ernie

12-19-06

The GP was more fun than a grown man should be allowed to have. I had to ride the 40+ Intermediate class and Steve Dye and I had a good battle going. I stalked him harder than the paparazzi photographers watching Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton while they are exiting limos. I was finally able to make a pass on him three laps from the finish only to stall the bike a few turns later…probably because I used up all of my energy chasing him!! Steve got back by me and I gave chase again and when we rolled to the checkers I was back on him. I don't know if I could have passed him again or even gone another lap because I was pooped out. It sure would have been fun to try.

The toy drive was a HUGE success and the thanks goes to all of you who were kind enough to donate to the cause. Ed’s motor home was packed full of toys of all kinds and there were still other things that weren’t brought to the track. Good job to all.

It’s probably the busiest time of the year for me and I have been down the last several days with some type of bug that has me afraid to eat. It’s a good weight loss program but not at this time of the year when all of the goodies are brought out. Thankfully I’ve been on my long weekend and I’m hoping I can make it to work tomorrow.

I’m not as good as some when it comes to Christmas shopping. I don’t like to wait until the last minute but I usually do. This year I did good and got the majority of my shopping done by last week. I had one more thing to get this week and I accomplished it yesterday. I can’t believe I’m completely done with all of my gift shopping a whole week before Christmas this year. What do you buy a wife who has everything?…ask her for as list well in advance!!

Ride safe, Ernie

11-23-06

I apologize that I am so late with this edition. I have a lot of excuses but the harsh reality of it is I have just been lazy when it comes to the High Side.

Today is Thanksgiving and I would like to wish all of you and your families a happy and pleasant day. I was lucky enough to get the day off and spend this time with my family. The lovely woman is cooking up a prime rib roast with all of the fixings so I plan to get stuffed to the gills later this afternoon. I can’t wait to enjoy the feeling of eating to much supper while I’m sitting on the porch puffing on a fine cigar while sipping some of my favorite whiskey. After all, being that I am such a pillar of physical fitness…

As I reflect on this past year I have many things to be thankful. I won’t bore you with all of the details but I’m sure we all feel the same way. Sure, we all have some ups and downs but overall it is good. To be honest and it may sound odd but I’m also thankful that Ed and Sue have decided to give the FPMX another try for 2007. After 2006 it would have been easy for them to give up on us but they chose to trudge on in the hopes the membership will support their efforts. I truly enjoy the FPMX and all of the fellowship that goes with it.

The Christmas G.P. and toy drive is rapidly approaching. Since Ed is broken up I don’t think I’m going to do the Ironman race this year. Last year took a toll on my aging body and I’d like to avoid it again if possible. I did however, receive some sick satisfaction beating Ed in the race. I think this year I will team up with a new member of the department (and FPMX) and team up with Alex Zapata for the team race. Alex is an expert so I made it perfectly clear that I was a boat anchor for the team but he still wants to do it. It will be fun.

Remember to bring a toy (or more) for the toy drive. Ed is pretty modest about it all but he truly enjoys giving the toys to the Marines and their families. This is a tough time of the year for military families and our donations go a long way in helping the children of our soldiers enjoy the holidays.

God bless and ride safe, Ernie

10-23-06

We were driving up to Mesquite on Saturday and had planned on spending the night in Vegas. Being a fishing and gun toting kind of guy I had to stop at the Bass Pro Shop and spend the gift card I got last Christmas. I’ve been to that place a couple of times and found that I'm worse than a Hollywood woman on Rodeo Drive with an open checkbook. I only like the fishing, boat, gun, shooting accessory, golf, t-shirt and fish exhibit sections I’m lucky enough to have a woman that also enjoys a place like that. That place is the Costco of the outdoor world and you just can’t leave there without spending money. I just wish they had the free samples of food like Costco does.

I haven’t raced a FPMX event since February so I’m anxious to get to the track and get in some practice. Russ took a few days off work so he could go too and race his YZ450F for the first time. We were both ready to ride. Up early on Sunday morning and on the road to Mesquite. As we get north of Vegas we see standing water along side the highway. No worries, it is the desert and it will all be ok. We are rolling down the hill into Mesquite and there is a lot of water standing. I call Haz and he tells me the pits are partially flooded and the track is a mess…swell.

The track was a mess on Sunday but not as bad as I had thought. Monday’s racing was a mess in the first motos but for the second motos is was much better. The track was basically the same for Tuesday and by the second motos on we could actually see some dust. We finished racing on Tuesday, quickly loaded up the Cabin and headed to our room at the Casa Blanca so we could all get showered, primped and ready for the banquet.

The banquet was outstanding. Marc Savard and his show are some of the funniest things I have seen since…well, last years show. Watching the folks on stage doing their thing was complete humor. I, like everyone else, laughed until my stomach hurt. Just thinking about someone giving his wrong name, the river dancing, Erv Braun running over the dog and everything else makes me laugh. What a great show and a big thanks again to Marc Savard for donating his time to the FPMX.

I think my most enjoyable moment was when Miss Supercross, Brittney George called Russ up to the stage. Because of a scoring error, Russ didn’t receive his #1 plate for the beginner support class at last years banquet. Ed and I had collaborated on this all year so Russ had no idea what was happening when she called him up on stage. Russ was completely surprised and the plan worked to perfection.

Again this year, the raffle had a ton-o-swag to be given away. Many people walked out of there with some very cool give away's. Since I wasn’t able to race the Summer Series, New York or Glen Helen I saved all of the money I would have spent on those races. I then used that money to buy raffle tickets. It ended up being more money than I thought it would be and I ended up with a lot of raffle tickets. I did pretty good on the raffle and by the end of the night I was taking some pretty hard hits from the crowd. That’s ok though because as cops we take big hits from the public (and each other) every day and you get used to it. Besides, Mike (Walker) Dunn finally gets to step into the 21st century of dirt bikes. I wonder if he can even touch the ground while sitting on that brand new YZ250? The bottom line is I know the money I spent on raffle tickets goes to a great cause in the R.I.S.K. program.

Time to start getting ready for the Christmas G. P. at the Hack. I’m sorry Ed got hurt but I’m also glad I don’t have to do that damn Ironman race again this year. I’m still feeling the effects from last year!!

Ride safe, Ernie

10-12-06

Two weekends ago a buddy of mine and I took a trip to San Jaciento Motocross Track outside of Houston, Texas. It was for a memorial motocross event for a young man who lost his life a couple years ago while riding at that track. My buddy has been making the annual pilgrimage to Texas for the last 3 years and told me the track was superb. He told me it was a long drive but the track was worth it. I tried to go last year but I just couldn’t get things worked out for the time off.

I like moto road trips so this year I planned on going and penciled in some V-time. The trip started out poorly as my buddy showed up to my pad 5 ½ hours later than planned. We didn’t get on the road until almost 8pm and our travel plans were substantially set back. We made it to his son’s apartment in Phoenix at about 2am and crashed out there. Up early and back on the road. Long trip???…two days after leaving Phoenix we arrived in Houston. Texas is one BIG state. Ten seconds after getting out of the truck the humidity had me sweating like proverbial lady of the evening in church. Man, that humidity takes some getting used to.

We went to the track to practice on Saturday and everything he had told me about the track was true. It was a combination of that down south red clay and had a bunch of sand mixed in it. The dirt was tackier than anything here in the mecca of motocross…even Perris Raceway. You could stuff the front end anywhere in a corner and it would stick. The track was challenging yet safe for us slower folks. The jump faces didn’t break down, the corners were mostly flat (by SoCal standards) and the dirt was just bitchen. Because of the humidity they only had to water the track once during the day.

Sunday was race day and the track was perfectly groomed…again. I raced the 50+ class and as soon as the gate dropped I noted the classes were notably slower than here at home. In my motos the 40+ went off of the first gate and I caught the majority of them. I probably could have raced all the way down to the 30+ class and still done ok. Them cowboys didn’t take a hankerin’ for a SoCal boy coming in and whippin’ up on ‘em.

Sunday evening we went to a restaurant called Saltgrass. Because I’m such a pillar of physical fitness (and very hungry) I ordered the prime rib and what showed up at the table was a half a cow…that was cooked to perfection. It came with a sweet potato that was smothered in sweet butter and the size of an NFL football. I did my best to eat everything on my plate but I had to leave about 1/3 of the sweet potato. We waddled out to the truck and back to the hotel for a good night’s sleep before getting an early start back to Califreakia.

We got up early Monday morning and got on the road. We drove almost 1300 miles getting us to into Phoenix at about 1130pm. Up early again on Tuesday so we could get home at a respectable hour. I was getting ready to jump in the shower when I heard a helicopter flying over the complex. I looked out the patio window and saw cops everywhere with handguns, shotgun and long rifles. I said to myself, “self, this isn’t good”. We turned on the news to find they had pursued some fool into the complex where he got out and ran. He was holed up in an apartment and they were waiting for SWAT.

Not a problem, we’ll sneak out the back way and get outta here. The picture on the TV shows cops around the suspect vehicle…and upon closer inspection was abandoned right next to our truck. Crap, what now?? We wait it out for a bit and I decide we need to get the heck out of there. I use my people skills (and my badge!!) to convince their St to allow us to leave. We grab our bags, run down stairs, jump in the truck, fire it up, and dump it into drive only to find we are blocked in by a patrol unit. Crap, now what?? The Sgt. Kindly moves the unit and we haul ass out of there. We later found out the suspect was holed up in an apartment down stairs and across the breezeway from us. They eventually took him into custody.

All in all it was a fun road trip. Probably not as fun as the New York trip but still more fun than an old mx’er should be allowed to have.

Don’t forget to come to the compound at Mesquite, congratulate Haz and Mark on their promotions and enjoy the food and beverages.

Ride safe, Ernie

09-24-06

I’m out in the garage changing the oil on the bike when the woman asks, “is that a new pipe on the bike”? UH…well…er…it’s not really a new pipe but it is new to me. “HUH?, she asks. I’m borrowing it to see if I like it. “Well, do you like it”? “Yep, sure do” I say as I start to tuck my tail between my legs. “What’s wrong with the pipe that came on the bike”? Well babe, it’s really kind of hard to explain but it makes different and better power. “Really”? Yes, it does. It has a broader and stronger power delivery than the stock pipe does. “Really”? Yes, “You are riding a bike that already has way more power than a 50-something year old needs”. Well babe, it’s not really the extra power I’m looking for, it is the delivery of the power that is important. “Yeah right, lie to your friends but don’t lie to me”. I like this wife and I can’t lie to her so I told her it was a test pipe that belongs to YMC and Kris is letting me borrow it to see how I like it. As I planned to fall on the sword and beg for mercy she says, “if you like it, buy it”. Whew, that was close!

I feel like a factory rider lately. I have ridden 4 times in the last 10 days trying to get myself ready for Mesquite. I’m miserably out of shape but in better shape now than I was a week and a half ago. I’m sore as all get out but I’m surviving and able to cope with my soreness with a steady diet of Motrin and the sweet nectar called Crown Royal. My goal is to be in good enough shape to get in one 40+ Intermediate moto just to show BIG……e who still rules our rivalry.

Speaking of ……..e, he wants us to run the Ironman again this year at the Christmas GP. I guess he didn’t learn last year after the old man spanked him pretty good. Our plan was to just cruise around for the majority of the race and then actually go for it about 15 minutes from the end. That plan worked for about a half lap until Ed decided to run himself through the middle of the mud bog in the back section heading onto the REM track. Being the consummate professional that I am I drove past the now axle deep Ed and tried to add insult to injury and cover him with mud. Well, I’m a failure at things like that and I didn’t get into the wet stuff enough so when I revved to redline and dumped the clutch I almost looped out. Since that plan failed so I knew I had to go for it because if he ever caught up to me I was nothing more than a rolling target.

Less than a month remains until rounds 9 & 10 in Mesquite and the banquet. I’m going to try to get Russ up on stage and see what he will do with his sick horse!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

09-01-06

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm;

- Can you cry under water?

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for ever?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

- What disease did cured ham actually have?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

- Why do people pay to go to the top tall buildings and then put money in telescopes to look at things on the ground?

- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

-Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix the hole in the boat?

- Why does Goofy stand upright while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

- If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

- Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window at 70 MPH?

- Ride safe, Ernie

08-24-06

My son Russ, Shane and Jack Childs and I went to the Star on Monday to get in some seat time. It is the second time I have been there since my return to riding. The track had changed since the last time I was there but it was still fun. I have always liked the Star because I like the more technical type tracks and I like the feeling of thinking I’m Chad Reed as I clear some of those jumps. I also realize that at 50-something I’m not as moto good as I once was but I’m as good for one lap as I ever was.

I’m starting to get excited about Mesquite. I’d like to think I’ll be in good enough shape to give my long time nemesis Greg Green a run for his money there. Greg and I started racing against each other in the late 80’s so this friendship (rivalry) goes back a while. I spoke to Greg this morning and he was describing to me the fun he had battling back and forth with Keith Ehlers during the summer series. The excitement in his voice was that I remember from when Greg and I used to do serious battle in the OTHG expert class many years ago. I did not know anything about it but Greg told me Keith destroyed his ankle at one of the summer series rounds. Keith and I had some good races during many of the national series motos. Get healed up Keith and hopefully we’ll see you back at the track in the future.

Getting back to Mesquite…I’m looking forward to FPMX atmosphere at the racetrack. I also enjoy the road trip, hanging out in the White House/Doghouse/Cabin compound, cruising the pits talking to friends I haven’t seen in a while and finally getting to race a FPMX event again. Russ is planning to attend again this year as well as my lovely woman. I would like to try to get Russ up on stage and see what he acts like when he is under the influence of Mark Savard...well, maybe I’m not to sure about that!!

Ride safe, Ernie

08-11-06

My number lately has been 4.5 and it certainly is not my Shape-O-Meter reading. It is what I have left before I can retire. In 4.5 years and one hour I will finally be able to start living a life long dream of become a full time racer. I won’t have to worry about things like working graveyard, working with some people that are one way and having to beg for days off to be able to attend the FPMX events. On the other side of that scenario I called my retired father-in-law the other day to see if he wanted to go for a street bike ride. He replied he was busy building some things to add to the barn that my mother-in-law (m-i-l) wanted him so I asked about going the following day. He said he would be busy laying tile in the bathroom my m-i-l had him remodel. I asked about the following day and he said he would be busy shopping for a new TV with the m-i-l. I asked about the following week and he looked at his calendar and said he had other m-i-l duties to accomplish. The bottom line is 4.5 and one day really isn’t looking so promising anymore.

I recently had a very humbling experience at work. It’s something that will happen to a gun toter at least once during a career. When the radio silence is broken by a tone at the Strat-O-Lounger warehouse (AKA, fire station) it sounds like a pissed off cat walking on an organ. When the cop radio tone goes off you get a chill in your spine. It is about 1930 hours when the call comes out of a traffic collision with a vehicle on fire and children trapped inside. Being a parent the fear that runs through your innards is unspeakable. I’m not to far away from the scene so I light up the old sled and start that way. As I am approaching the area of the call I look to the west to see if I can see any smoke when I am greeted by the HUGE orange ball in the sky. I can’t see any smoke or anything else because my retinas are burning. I end up overshooting the corner where I wanted to turn which is no big deal because in Hesperia we don’t have many curbs.

I make my U-turn, cut through the dirt corner going west into the sun. I can’t see anything and am not going very fast when I feel an impact and the engine quits…crap. I try to restart the car but no go. I’m not very far away so I jump out, get the fire extinguisher from the trunk and run the remaining 200 yards to the scene of the collision. As I get closer there is a tree that is blocking the sun and I see the heavily damaged vehicles sitting in the middle of the street with people standing all around and I am relieved to see there is no fire. I arrive completely out of breath and can barely ask where the children are located…no answer. These people are looking at me like I’m a freak (partially correct) when I grunt out “where are the kids?” A lady silently points to 5 rug rats sitting on the curb and says everyone is ok.

As it turned out there was no fire, no kids trapped in the car and not a one of the 5 unbelted future subpoenas was hurt. After the deputies arrive I walk back to my unit with my extinguisher in hand when I see some damage to the front bumper under the push bar but I still have no idea what I hit but I figured a big rock or something similar. I get in and try to start it again and no go. I figure the fuel pump shut off switch was activated so I pop the trunk and when I walk to the rear of my unit I am horrified by what I find. I see a fire hydrant lying on its side and it is adorned with white paint transfers. Crap…these fire dudes, who I ride harder than a cheap suit, are going to have a field day with this one.

I get the unit towed back to the station, grab another unit and go on about my business. When I come back into the station at the end of the night I find that very same fire hydrant sitting in my parking stall. I get out of my unit to hear my deputies hiding in the darkness and giggling like teenage schoolgirls. I guess that means they like me!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

07-28-06

Things you find interesting when you have children:

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Hesperia, Ca has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Ride safe, Ernie

07-06-06

I have received a couple e-mails about my last High Side. This time though, there were not any criticisms or misguided feelings about the cop/fireman rivalry. I was a bit concerned it may have been a bit to risqué for the site but I decided to send it to BIG……e anyway. If he puts his blessing on it then all was good. I hope more of you than just the couple people I got mail from enjoyed it. The majority of what was written back then was true. Again, keep in mind that was written almost 30 years ago....Back when real cops roamed the streets and the sheep ran scared!!!

I have been out on the bike 3 times now, twice to Competitive Edge (5 minutes from the house) and once to Starwest. It feels SO GOOD being able to ride again. After any length of time off a bike it takes a while to get the old “moto legs” back. I am feeling more and more comfortable while I ride but I am in pathetic moto condition. Yesterday I was able to put in a whole 4 laps at about 75% before I was gasping for air. But, that is better than the time before. It will take me a little while but I will get in shape again. The heart feels good however I could not hear it beating because of the gasping sound I was making trying to breath!!

Two weeks ago when I went to Competitive Edge there was some guy with a #12 on his Yamaha and Villerman on the back of his jersey. He was riding pretty well but when he took a break he flagged me down and asked for some pointers. He was impressed with my speed in one particular section of the track where I passed him and wanted me to give him some advise. He had been taking the inside line in the corner prior to the straight and I told him he needed to take the outside line like I did in order to keep his momentum up. I told him during the lap that I passed him he had gone inside and I had gone outside. As we exited the corner I had more momentum than he did and I easily made the pass.

He agreed but then told me as he was exiting the corner his chain came off and THAT’S when I passed him. He also told me that after I passed him he watched me go down the straight and eventually shift into second gear. Oh well, I was a star for a minute!

Ride safe, Ernie

06-29-06

Anyone who has been in law enforcement for a long time may remember this below “Real Cops” description from many, many years ago…somewhere around the late 70’s to the very early 80’s. This was originally written and publicized in the Peace Officers Research Association of California (PORAC) publication when it was actually written on newspaper.

***Disclaimer***
This contains language that WAS acceptable during the time it was published. If you are easily offended and/or a part of the “weak sisters club” please refrain from reading it. If you choose to go forward from here read at your own risk.

Real Cops come from all walks of life, but some make the transition more easily than others. Most Real Cops are veterans, former SEALS, Green Berets or Rangers. Professional bouncers and former NFL linebackers and have a good background for becoming Real Cops, as do steel workers and longshoremen. Very few authors, English teachers, nuns or interior decorators make it to the ranks of Real Cops.

Real Cops rarely have college degrees and NEVER have post-graduate degrees. A Real Cop learns everything he ever needs to know on the street. He goes to Advanced Officer Training ONLY when he is ordered to, but he doesn't like it one bit. He did like the Basic Academy though. It reminded him of boot camp.

Real Cops like civilians to call them "Officer" or “Deputy” while their friends call them by their last names. Really close friends may address Real Cops by their nicknames. Real Cops have nicknames like "Bubba" "Slugger" "Animal" and "Babe."

Real Cops heroes are Clint Eastwood, J. Edgar Hoover, Charles Bronson, Judge Roy Bean, Samuel L. Colt, Ronald Reagan, Sgt. Alvin York, Chesty Puller, Dr. Richard J. Gattling, John Wayne and the entire Spanish Inquisition.

Real Cops anti-heroes are Jerry Brown, Eric Estrada, Timothy Leary, Richard Simmons, Charles Manson, Rosalyn Bird, Jane Fonda and the entire US Supreme Court.

Real Cops wear sunglasses day and night. They wear genuine Ray-Ban Aviators. Although usually worn with the dark green or mirror lenses, yellow shooting lenses are perfectly acceptable. A Real Cop never wears any glasses purchased at K-Mart or made in France and has no idea at all who is "Behind those Foster Grant's."

Real Cops work in uniform. The wear custom tailored wool uniforms, summer and winter. You could cut yourself on their military creases. They don't wear whistle lanyards or chains. Their pants have sap pockets and A Real Cop uses them for what God intended. A Real Cop won't ever wear a dickie. He won't even say the word.

Real Cops polish their badges, but only when they know an inspection is coming up. They preserve the finish with spar varnish... never with nail polish. Real Cops don't wear shooting badges.....they wear notches in their gun grips.

Real Cops, underneath their uniforms, wear genuine "Jockey" brand T-shirt’s and underwear. He doesn't wear colored shorts, leopard-skin shorts, lo-rise or fishnet briefs, Calvin Klein shorts or anything made by Fruit-Of-The-Loom. A Real Cop won't have anything to do with a fruit, and sure as hell doesn't want it in his shorts.

Real Cops have moustaches.....Full ones. They wear their sideburns squared off, with no taper. Real Cops don't own blow dryers, 'fro combs or rat-tail brushes. A Real Cop's hair is too short to be affected by any of these things. Most Real Cops think that "blow-dry” is some new euphemism for a perverted act.

Real Cops stay in shape while off duty. They like active sports like baseball, tackle football, shot put, weightlifting, arm-wrestling and beer drinking. They drink Budweiser and Michelob, none of those unhealthy "light" or foreign beers. They never get involved in trendy sports like racquetball or roller-disco.

Real Cops, while on duty, drink coffee and they drink it black. They NEVER eat doughnuts on duty. They call them "gut-bombs."

Real Cops use words like these; Adam Henry, barfbag, dirtbag, dogbreath, choir practice, douchebag, faggot, fairy, hairball, maggot, puke, punk, scrote, scumbag, slimeball and wimp.

Real Cops never use words like these; Anti-Social Homeopath, awesome, barf-out, detention, dialogue, gag me with a spoon, gnarly, groady, maladjusted, mentally disordered, miscreant, perpetrator, rad, rapport, recidivist, tubular and tush. (NOTE- these words may be used by Real Cops when being interviewed by the press.)

Real Cops, while on duty, always carries a weapon that complies with Department Regulations. He prefers a Smith & Wesson, in .357 or larger. Colts are a little too dressy for the Real Cop. He carries his off-duty weapon as a backup, (most Real Cops carry three or four such weapons at all times). An off-duty weapon is always a larger caliber than his Department issued weapon, usually a .44 Magnum or a 45 auto. He uses the heaviest ammunition he can find and cross cuts the noses to maximize their spread on impact.

Real Cops leather gear is black basket weave with snaps. Velcro and Clarino are for wimps and faggots.

Real Cops don't carry a Mondanock, a Yarawa Stick or a Kubaton. A Real Cop carries a straight stick. It's made of hickory and makes a crack like hitting a home run when he uses it. The sound reminds you of Reggie Jackson knocking one into the bleachers.

Real Cops don't carry a quartz-halogen Streamlite.....he isn't afraid of the dark. A Real Cop carries a four-cell Kel-light that hasn't worked in years. The batteries are wrapped in lead foil to add weight to it. He keeps a toothbrush and a little bleach in his locker to clean the foreign matter out of the knurling.

Real Cops don't wear Oxfords, hall-boots, flight boots or special orthopedic Thorogood shoes. Real Cops wear spit-shined G.I. Combat boots. They lace up....no zippers. They have Vibram soles.

Real Cops drive a patrol car is black and white. He might drive an all-white unit if forced to, but would never set foot in one painted with pastel colors or color-accent stripes. The Real Cop's car is equipped with lights and siren and heavy duty push bars that he uses to terminate pursuits. A Remington 870-pump shotgun is mounted upright on the dashboard. The Real Cop's car has no prisoner cage......he can control his prisoners without one.

A Real Cop's patrol car is equipped with a desmogged V8 engine and heavy duty alternator. It burns leaded premium gas and always smells like scorched asbestos. The air cleaner lid is turned upside down so the car breathes better, or it may have been thrown away altogether. A Real Cop never checks the oil or water.....he wasn't hired for that sort of work. He just drives his assigned unit as fast as it will go until the engine pukes, then he calls for a tow truck and walks away from it. (NOTE-A Real Cop's patrol car hasn't been made for a long time. The last one was the 1977 Dodge Polaris Police Pursuit with a 440 cubic inch engine and Positraction rear end.)

Real Cops drive with their windows rolled down, rain or shine. They write citations for 20MPH over the limit. They don't stop cars with burnt-out license plate lights, they stop them for exhibition of acceleration, vehicular manslaughter and DWI. Real Cops work radar out of the car, standing in the number one traffic lane. They hold their radar gun in a two-handed combat stance and flag down the offenders. A driver ALWAYS stops for a Real Cop.

Real Cops don't use pursuit cases or attaché cases. A Real Cop carries all his extra gear in a tote bag. The tote bag is either black, or red with the Marine Corps bulldog logo. Inside is a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun, extra boxes of ammunition for both the shotgun and his sidearm, (Real Cops learned from the SLA shoot-out and don't want to get caught short), camouflage greasepaint, extra handcuffs (Peerless, no flex-cuffs), a pair of binoculars and a couple of frag grenades.

Real Cops own car is a lot like his patrol car. It's an American made car or pickup with a V8 engine and oversize black wall tires. It may have decals from CLEAT, the NRA, Ruger or the United States Marine Corps. You will never see a rainbow decal, smiling face, or "Have A Nice Day" decal on A Real Cop's personal vehicle. The car is equipped with a push-button AM radio. He listens to news, weather and sports.

Real Cops wear as distinctive a uniform off-duty as they wear on-duty. A Real Cop wears genuine Levi’s, western shirts from Sears-Roebuck and baseball caps with the initials of their agency. Real Cops don't wear designer jeans, Izod shirts, muscle shirts, Hawaiian floral prints or gold chains. Real Cops wear Pendleton wool shirts and windbreakers to cover their weapon, which they ALWAYS carry.

Real Cops.....It's a way of life. Now you know the ideal, the standard of perfection by which you and your peers are measured. How do you stack up? Anything less than a Real Cop is a wimp or a faggot.

Shoot high, a Real Cop always does.

Ride safe, Ernie

06-15-06

When I take the time to sit down and relax I sometimes wish there were things I had done differently as I had grown up. Sure, I wish I would have paid more attention in grade school and that would have kept Sister Mary from bloodying my knuckles with the ruler. I wish I would have gotten better grades to keep mom and dad from being disappointed in me. There are a few other things I wish I had done differently but I won’t bore you with those details. I’m sure, to some point, we all have that 20-20 hindsight thing going on.

Fathers Day is rapidly approaching as is my dad’s birthday next month. My dad passed away over 25 years ago. This time of the year is always tough on me as I reflect back several years and the memories of my dad. He had worked long and hard hours to provide for his family. One of my fondest memories was when we lived just outside of Chicago. Dad was only home on Sundays and once a month he and I would go into town to the Walgreen’s to sit at the soda counter and have a $.10 root beer float. It was our “boys day out”. We would then come home and watch the Chicago Bears or Cubs or White Sox or Black Hawks game on television.

As I grew up I never understood what intestinal fortitude it took to be a dad. Then I had my own kids and that all changed. The sacrifices a parent makes for their children are unmatched. Are there some things I would change, you bet I would because that hindsight thing is always 20-20. Do I think I did ok, you bet. Both of my boys have never been in trouble with the law and that by itself is tough in today’s society. I’m so proud of both of them.

If you are lucky enough to have your dad around this weekend don’t be so macho that you can’t grab your old man, tell him you love him and that you appreciate what he has done for you. They aren't going to be with us forever.

BTW, the new weed eater runs great on 4 month old premix!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

06-08-06

A couple of days ago I’m working and while cruising down the road in my big white patrol’n car when I get flagged down by a citizen. I didn’t realize who it was until they got closer to me. It was the infamous Captain Haz and Mrs. Rooter. I saw they have some HUGE thing in the back of their truck but it was wrapped in plastic and I could not tell exactly what it was. To my surprise, it was a new recliner sofa for the Haz pad. Imagine that, a nozzlehead needing a recliner at home too. I guess with Haz getting the promotion to Captain he has to have a better recliner at home than at work. Go figure!!

I’m working on Mondays and that sure cramps my ability to attend the FPMX Summer Series. I’m going to try to do a couple of day trades in an effort to at least get some attendance in at the events. Keeping my fingers crossed that my peers will assist me in that request.

Not much posted on the message board about Round 1 last Monday. I thought there would be more talk than what has gone on. Come on you all, get to updating those of us who couldn’t be there. Post up some tidbits of the racing that happened.

I’m jealous that Russ is going to race next Monday at Round 2. This will be the first time he has attended an FPMX round without me. He was a bit worried about going to the track and racing without me being there but I assured him that (God forbid) anything happened he would be in good hands. I trust all of you and that is something I cannot say about him going to race by himself with most other organizations. What great peace of mind for a father of a moto head.

Ride safe, Ernie

05-24-06

I know I’m always banging on the nozzleheads but it is just in fun. All of the friendly banter back and forth is (in part) what makes the FPMX so much fun. The following is a serious matter in the eyes of a cop.

I’m trolling around town the other day and I see a known member of a violent gang driving around with a brand new red fire helmet sticker in his back window. You know the kind that has the department name in a banner across the bottom and the four letters inside the outline of the fire helmet. There are some vehicle code violations to his truck but I couldn’t get turned around in traffic and go get him. We like these gangsters to know we care about their safety and we contact them as much as possible to ensure they are safe while in our community.

This guy is covered from his hairline to his toenails with tattoos and does not make any effort to conceal his gang affiliation. He has a criminal history and rap sheet as long as I am tall. About an hour later I again see him driving on Main Street and this time I am able to make a traffic stop on him. As I am talking to this citizen I ask him about the fire department sticker in his rear window. He tells me his uncle gave it to him and told him to put it in his back window so he wouldn’t get pulled over. HUH??? WHAT??? I asked him to repeat what he just told me because I could not believe what I just heard. He repeated his comment and I proudly kept my mouth shut.

I asked him who his uncle was and he declined to identify him to me. I had no reason to force him to tell me but through covert conversation he said his uncle had the same last name as him. I was hoping to be able to identify his uncle just in case he was a FPMX’er. That would have given me the opportunity to address the issue with him privately. His was not a last name I recognized or found when I looked in the last 2 years results. I made a mental note of the department and when I returned to the station later that afternoon I contacted that department.

I realize firefighters sometimes have a different perspective of things than a cop does. However, this action IMHO crosses the line. Based on what he told this dirtbag about having the sticker on his truck and not getting pulled over and, in the strictest definition of the law, he could placing himself in a very precarious position. Penal Code Section 32, Accessory to a Crime has very far reaching elements. I want to believe that no FPMX’er would do such a thing.

Now, on a brighter note I have been O.K.’d to get back on the bike again. The cardio says I need to take it easy at first and see how things develop. He wanted to give me a heart monitor to wear but after the treadmill test he decided I didn’t need that. He said I would feel tired after strenuous activity but that feeling should diminish after the second or third time out. I’ve lost almost 15 pounds but I’m in pathetic moto shape right now. I wanted to ride this week but some things came up that have to be attended to. Things like my special needs stepson getting out of school for the year two days early on this Wednesday instead of Friday, today some garage cabinets arrived early (supposed to be here Friday), we delivered our mares foal a couple nights ago, a brand new weed eater is sitting in the garage and screaming to be run on race gas and whatever else can happen around ol’ McKopasz’s farm. All is good!

Ride safe, Ernie

05-16-06

After reading VIKING’s (Dan Hadfield) post last week about going to Racetown on Friday for some practice I then had made my plan for my long awaited return to the track. Although I do it I don’t necessarily like going to the track by myself. There would be some other FPMX’ers there and I would just cruise around the track while trying to get my moto legs back under me. I would just try to stay out of the way while on the track, hang out with the fellas for a while and get my mind back on what is important, riding dirtbikes. All would be good.

I get to the track a little late at about 10am-ish and Dan and Rob Cosner are there. They have already put in some track time. I get that feeling of jealousy because I haven’t been out on the track and they have. They are surprised to see me because I didn’t tell anyone, except my lovely woman, that I was going to go to the track. We chat for a bit and watch some of the pro’s that were out there that day. I look at my bike and think that it would be so nice to get some moto under my belt.

There was just a slight problem. I showed up at the track on my 900 pound Yamaha Royal Star Venture that I have affectionately named the Silver Sofa. You see, my lovely woman had made plans to go horseback riding with her mother that morning out at Bowen Ranch in south Apple Valley. I had hooked the horse trailer up to the truck the day prior and I was left without a bed for my bike to ride in.

I did hang out for a while and watched the pros out on the track. While they were out there some goons named DV, Mike Brown and a bunch of those other supported riders were out on the track getting in Dan and Rob’s way. It’s just a shame that tracks allow that to happen.

My riding day did continue as I did ride the Silver Sofa up to Barstow and had a fantastic (but bad for you) lunch at the chiliburger and chili fries heaven…Tommy’s Burgers. Even though I didn’t get out on the track that day…all was good!!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

05-08-06

I would like to immediately apologize for my tardiness in completing my assignments here at the FPMX story telling section. I have many excuses but few reasons why I haven’t posted in the High Side lately. As Ed said in his journal I have had some difficulties recovering from my bout with Pericarditis. I don’t necessarily feel bad but I don’t have much in the way of strength or stamina and I am having a hard time building both. The cardiologist says I’m good to go and I may be suffering from inactivity atrophy. I’m scheduled for a physical soon to hopefully eliminate any other possible issues.

A lot has gone on in the moto world in the last month. Both east and west lites were decided and Ricky “the machine” Carmichael won another title. I never used to be an RC fan but after the King retired he kind of grew on me. Why you ask…I can only say that I have watched him evolve from a cocky kid to a mature adult. That is probably the “dad” in me talking but it is the truth. To watch RC mature in both his personality and riding has been an absolute pleasure. I fully expect that if James Stewart continues with motocross and supercross we will see the same things happen.

I’m disappointed that I couldn’t get the time off to attend rounds 5 & 6 of the nationals at the Hack. Here at the Hesperia Station it is much harder to get time off than it was when I was at the Fontana Station. Most of you know my distain for that track but anytime the FPMX group gets together it is all good. This was the first FPMX race I have had to miss in three years. I feel as though I missed a major event in my own little moto world. I missed seeing all of you, missed the camaraderie and joking back and forth between us cops and you nozzle heads, missed the atmosphere of being at the races with the Cabin, White House, Dog House compound and most importantly I missed the opportunities that present themselves at every event to lay a blast or ten on ol’ BIG…………e.

There hasn’t been much posted on the message board about the race at the Hack and any happenings that occurred. I hope you all had a great and safe time. I’ll see you all soon at a track near you…or me!!

Ride safe, Ernie

04-05-06

It doesn’t appear I will be able to attend rounds 5 & 6 of the Nationals. One of my peers will be on vacation during that time and getting the time off is difficult at best. When it comes to getting time off being a cop is much different than being a fireman. When I asked if I could take a couple of V-days and they could pay overtime to fill my spot they looked at me like I have the plague. I left it alone after that. This will be the first time I have missed a set of FPMX races in 3 years. I feel like crap about it but some things happen that we cannot control.

A couple years ago I did miss one day of the Santa Maria rounds because my lovely woman left the truck in 4wd coming down from Big Bear while pulling the horse trailer. That inadvertent (or was it?) act on her part caused the front axle and transmission to overheat and puke trans and axle fluids all over the undercarriage. I was able to get it into the shop first thing the next morning and everything checked out OK. I’m convinced that if it weren’t for the Allison transmission in the mighty Chevy the thing would have exploded. That was a good thing for her it didn’t blow up!

On a sad note, I (we) had to put down one of our Jack Russell Terriers today. Josie, as she was affectionately known, contracted a rare illness and it was getting the best of her. I (we) could not stand to see her condition continue to deteriorate and knew something had to be done. Years ago when my folks allowed me to have my first dog, my dad told me not to get attached to animals because they are not family. I have always heeded that advise but for some reason I can’t explain I got attached to Josie. No matter what I was doing, whether it was inside or out, she would be by my side. Today, when the defining moment arrived, all I could say to her was, “I’m sorry”. I was a mess for hours afterwards but I can honestly say it was the right thing to do for her. Godspeed my little friend.

Ride safe, Ernie

03-23-06

I decided to water the garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decided the truck needs washing. As I start towards the garage, I noticed that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I laid my car keys down on the table and put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table. I notice the can is full so I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the office, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of soda that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I notice that the soda is getting warm, and so I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head towards the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need to be watered. I set the soda down on the counter and I see my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV I will be looking for the remote but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table. I decide to put it back in the family room where it belongs but first I'll have to water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers and spill some on the floor. I set the remote back down on the table to get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day the car isn't washed, there is a can of soda sitting on the counter, the flowers didn’t get enough water, there is still one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I was busy all day long and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem and I will get some help, but first I'll check the e-mail.

Oh look the dog had puppies…

Ride safe, Ernie

03-15-06

Finished taking my meds a week ago but I still feel lethargic. Doc said it would take a week to ten days for the meds to vacate my system. The way I feel it may take longer than that. I do feel much better than a week ago but I just don’t feel like I want to push the envelope and tax my body by riding right now. Other than working graveyard my physical activity has been minimal…not that working in 20*-30* doesn’t get the blood flowing! I am slower to recover from this bout than the one six years ago but convinced all will be good soon.

My mom is 86 years old and 100% Italian. To describe her is an almost impossible task. Only someone who knows anything about true blood Italians could even understand their personality traits. Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of my fathers passing. After work I went down the hill, picked up my mom and we went to the Riverside National Cemetery to pay our respects. To say the experience was very emotional would be an understatement. I miss him every day and in retrospect, I wish I had paid more attention to what he told me as I was growing up. I tell my woman all the time how lucky she is to still have her father as an active part of her life.

I recently saw the newscast regarding retired Los Angeles firefighter Lorenzo Adundiz and his battle with the cancer that has attached itself to his kidneys. I also saw he was in need of blood for the surgery because he has an uncommon blood type of B+ with odd enzymes. In addition to being MX+ I also possess B+ blood. While out running some errands this morning, I will be stopping at the blood bank in the hopes my blood will be a match and I can donate to his needs for the surgery. I encourage any of the FPMX family with B+ to stop by the blood bank in your county and do the same for a downed brethren. Besides, the blood banks have a better cookie selection than the grocery stores.

Ride safe, Ernie

02-27-06

A long time friend of mine is an observer in our aviation division. I hear the microphone key up with the whining of the jet engine in the background. I hear Randy say in a voice that only those of us who know him realize something is wrong, “40King…priority traffic”. The next words are a cop’s worst dream come true, “officer down”. Your heart stops beating as the microseconds of voiceless airtime before getting the location seem like hours. Randy continues, “Citizen on the CHP radio reports Northbound I-15, north of Oak Hill Road, CHP officer struck by a car and is badly injured”.

I was in the central part of Hesperia and ran that Crown Victoria westbound for everything it is worth. By the time I get on scene in two minutes and fifteen seconds later my unit is a smoking mass of metal and rubber. One of my deputies arrived just before me and he finds the officer, critically injured, lying in the dirt on the shoulder of the interstate. There is destruction everywhere and the CHP motorcycle is lying on its side and is on fire. I immediately knew this was much more serious than I had envisioned. Basic first aid is initiated but this officer needs more than that. As I direct additional inbound deputies, CHP units are starting to arrive on scene.

They get their EMT bags and go to work on their fallen brother. He is seriously injured but he is able to tell us his back hurts and he is having trouble breathing. They assure him things will be fine. They are evaluating his injuries when he starts to fail. The Mercy helicopter just landed and I was happy to see one of their best flight nurses on board. She does her evaluation however he is slipping further away from us. They get him on the chopper and on his way to Loma Linda University Medical Center. We later receive the sad news that he had succumbed to his injuries and passed away.

The feeling I got is indescribable as I roller coaster from rage to sadness. As is human nature we second guess ourselves and I have relived everything my deputy(s) and I did. I know we did everything we possibly could have done as did the CHP officers, the Hesperia Fire Department, the flight nurse and everyone else there. In my 28 years as a cop this is the second time I have responded to a scene where an officer was killed. I got the same gut retching feeling I got years ago when Richard Hyche from the Ontario Police Department was shot and killed just a mile from the old West End Station.

Last night we had a critical incident debriefing at the Victorville CHP office. I am absolutely convinced everything that happened at the scene subsequent to our arrival all the way up to and including the debriefing was proper.

We, as cops, can generally control the situations in which we are involved. This mentality also lends itself to us believing, at times, we are invincible. When we cannot take control of what is happening around us we may possess the feeling of vulnerability. No one can honestly say they appreciate that feeling of helplessness. Sometimes, especially during adverse times, we must remain cognizant that on occasion circumstances will occur that are simply beyond our abilities to control.

Thank you for bearing with me here and allowing me the opportunity to get some of this inner pressure relieved and out of my system.

Please be careful out there, Ernie

02-14-06

I’m going through my checklist of things to do while I’m off with this heart thing and I finally got to the end of the list. I don’t ever recall me ever getting to the end of the list…ever. I have paid the DMV a fortune to register our stable of vehicles, added and deleted vehicles from our insurance policy, worked on medical insurance paperwork, made doctors appointments, washed my Royal Star Venture and even cleaned off my corner of the kitchen counter.

I was a bit board today so I decided I was going to go finish cleaning out the Cabin. I had some of it done before this heart thing interrupted me and in all honesty I have been in moto depression. Before this illness I was just starting to get into riding shape and I didn’t want to go out there and see the bike. As I walked into the Cabin I was immediately hit by the smell of race gas. SCHWING! As I walked further in I was almost overcome with emotion when I saw the mighty YZ250 still strapped into its spot, still dirty and staring helplessly at me. I swear it whispered “please ride me”.

Tomorrow, weather permitting, I am going to try to go for a street bike ride. I need to get out of the house for a little while because I’m going nuts. I can only watch so much of Okrah and I’m tired of eating Bon-Bons. Riding the Venture is relaxing to me so I’ll ride into town for a nice healthy “Wilson” burger at the local Farmer Boys. Then I’ll take a cruise up to Lake Silverwood and take a look at my normal fishing spot for Friday morning. You know, it would be really easy to get used to this retirement life style!!

Ride safe, Ernie

02-04-06

Unless you have your head buried in the sand or just don't pay any attention to the news, you all know it has been a tough week for my department. I cannot make any comments regarding the issue and our Department as a whole is also refraining from public comment. It is truly an unfortunate situation for all parties involved. I have my own opinion(s) about what occurred however, I cannot comment. An incident such as this affects all of law enforcement. I know in time this will pass and we (all of law enforcement) can get back to focusing on what we do.

As a Sergeant/Watch Commander, I can only try to instill the proper mind set in my troops. I encourage them many times a shift to keep up the good work they do on a daily and even hourly basis. I remind them that, as Deputy Sheriff's, we have a responsibility to our peers, our supervisors, our Department, the County and probably most importantly, the citizens who need us to continue to uphold the law the very best that we can.

On a lighter note, the National at the Star is just a couple of days away. The pre-entry list is large. That should make for some good sized classes and some good competition. I'm especially excited that my son Russ is coming out Sunday evening to spend the night with me and he is going to play hooky from college on Monday so he can ride. That makes the father of a grown son happy that his kid wants to spend some time with him. The Star is the type of track that can bite you if you are not paying attention. I would like to encourage everyone to ride within their abilities and not take unnecessary chances. See you all on Monday morning.

Ride safe, Ernie

01-24-06

Just got back from our annual (and now post ACP) Arizona camping trip with family and friends. We truly enjoy the rest and relaxation we get from being away from the rat race for a few days. For me the most enjoyable thing about camping, whether it be at the FPMX events or parked out in the middle of nowhere, is sitting around the campfire. I find the fire, an adult beverage, a nice cigar and shooting the breeze with friends and/or family very relaxing. Even if I’m only 20 minutes from home at the Hack I still am able to decompress during those times.

On Monday morning I made a last minute decision to race the 45-49 Intermediate class in addition to my 50+ class. I wanted to get on the track with BIG…..e and show him who is still the boss when it comes to our friendly rivalry. I won the battle but it cost me the war. I’m hardly in shape to race one class but racing two classes cost me in the 50+ race. I did OK on Monday but my hands were so sore on Tuesday that I could hardly hold on to the bike. Either I need to get into better racing shape or quit letting my cop macho get the better of me.

Ride safe, Ernie

01-07-06

Four years ago when my son Russ turned 16 we bought him a 93 Dakota pickup truck that already had a zillion miles on it. I told him if he kept himself out of trouble, continued his education, had a job, did not have any at-fault crashes and NO tickets we would help him buy a nice truck in a few years. I have all the faith in the world in my son but in today’s society I had doubts.

Well...he proved himself by meeting his expectations and that day has arrived. It's not brand new but it is only a couple years old and in GREAT shape. Russ is not in the pic but he is grinning from ear to ear. I'm so proud of him and this is his just reward:

He's not getting a complete free ride. I'm making the truck payment and he has to pay for his insurance. That by itself is no small task because even without any tickets or crashes the insurance companies just hammer a 20-year-old male. He is up to the task and I am one proud dad.

Ride safe, Ernie

01-02-06

I’ve spent the last few days driving to car dealers and searching on-line for a truck. It’s not for me but for my son Russ. Four years ago when he was 16 we bought him a 93 Dakota that already had a zillion miles on it. We told him if he got into any at fault crashes or got any tickets he would be driving that truck until he could buy himself a new one. Well, no tickets, no crashes and he has also accomplished some other goals I set for him. Yesterday he celebrated his 20th birthday and now it is time for the old man to pay up.

Dealing with car salesmen is a fate worse than death. These guys and gals are relentless. I would rather stick thumbtacks in my eyes than have to deal with these people. I know you may find it hard to believe but I like playing with their minds just as they like playing with a buyer’s mind.

I show up at a dealership and before I can get to the used truck section I’m immediately accosted by one of the buzzards that were perched on the porch. I try to ignore him but there is no stopping this guy. He introduces himself and extends his hand to shake mine. I don’t like to shake a stranger’s hand so I simply say “hi, my name is Mort” and keep walking toward the trucks. As we get to the truck section he asks what I’m looking for. I look at the trucks, look him in the eye and look back at the trucks. He says “so, you’re looking for a truck”? No shit Sherlock…here’s your sign!!

I tell him what I’m looking for, preferably a full sized, 6 cylinder and I’m not particular to any brand. He looks around at the inventory and says he does not know what they have. No surprise there as this dude is certainly no rocket scientist. I tell him I’ll look around and he says he’ll go get an inventory list. He shows up a couple minutes later with his obviously Italian boss who starts grilling me about what I’m looking for. I politely tell him his employee was supposed to merely bring out an inventory list, not Jimmy Hoffa. I tell Mr. Hoffa that I’m just looking and when I need to ask any questions I’ll track them down. Well, he stays in my hip pocket and continues to ask me questions…that I don’t answer.

I don’t find what I’m looking for and walk to my car. He follows me into the street and as I’m getting in the car he says to me “We don’t have what you are looking for”? No shit Sherlock…here’s your sign!!

Ride safe, Ernie

12-26-05

The other day while on a call an older gentleman told me a meth lab had been found in a house adjacent to their house. He asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied: I did have a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning.

I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter what.

I was drug by my ear when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie,
brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I
uttered a profane four-letter word.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some
poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop
some firewood.

If my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for
this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

And one time, when my buddy Jim's Kawasaki Bighorn came untied in the back of the truck, we drug it down the freeway for a while before we could stop and put it back in.

Ride safe, Ernie

12-17-05

I said in a previous High Side I was in a pretty good riding funk for a while. I guess we all go through that type of thing at some point in time. Going to the Hack and riding the Christmas GP has brought out some renewed vigor in me. Watching Chad Jones, Chad Jensen, Mark Davenport continuing their returns to racing was motivational for me. Jones was riding as well as I have ever seen him ride. He was smooth, in control and certainly likes that new CRF250. Davenport was also fast and smooth on his mighty YZ250F. It is obvious he also likes his new bike as he waxed the class. Jensen was having a blast too. After seeing his Franken-ankle just a few months ago, I figured it would be a while before he would be back on a scoot. It is truly amazing that MX+ is such a powerful elixir.

The Supercross round 1 opener is just around the corner. Stewart is showing some speed that many know he has. If he can keep himself together he will be a force. RC and CR showed some signs of speed and while any of us are happy to finish on the podium, they are obviously displeased with their results. Bike set up?…holding back a little?…not sure but, I’m sure they will be ready to rumble next month. Rumor has it the tracks may be more suited to fourstroke racing than 2 stroke racing, whatever that means. I guess we will see at round 1 in Anaheim.

Ride safe, Ernie

12-07-05

***Since Ed is having a problem adding items to the FPMX web site right now I’ll post this installment of the High Side on the message board.***

The GP is over, the rider turn out was better than I had expected as there were many post entries to add to the pre-entry list. The outpouring of toy donations for the children of U.S. Marines stationed at Camp Pendleton was mind boggling. Not only were both 6’ tables in front of the FPMX rolling HQ stacked high but also the toys overflowed onto the ground. Mark Davenport had to bring the Dog House because he had collected so many toys and bicycles that they would not fit into his pickup. I know Ed will say more later but I would like to give thanks to everyone for stepping up to the plate and giving to those families whose loved ones are supporting the very freedom that allows us to enjoy things like riding dirtbikes and the FPMX.

In retrospect, I have no idea what the heck I was thinking when I agreed with BIG…..e and his challenge for the Ironman race. It sounded like a good idea and our friendly rivalry could take a step it had never seen before. Ed and I agreed that neither of us could complete 2 hours at race speed so we agreed take it easy and pace ourselves. Good theory. The race started out with me cramming the bike into gear before I had the clutch in and I stalled it. I was able to catch up to Ed before we entered the sandy straight going into the back section of the track. I figured I would stay on his back fender for a while and compare his lines to mine. That didn’t last very long as Ed decided to go wide in the left handed corner that had the mud bog in it. I’m not sure if he wanted to cover me in mud or what but I stuffed the mighty #314 into the inside line and nailed the gas. I didn’t feel any mud hit me and by the time I looked back I couldn’t see the master of the mind games any more.

The first hour of the race went well. I was running at about 75% and I felt good and…I was ahead of Ed. I made my pit stop at the hour mark, got gas, fresh goggles, drank some water and even though I wanted to quit right then I headed back out because I couldn’t let Ed, the big red truck driver, beat me. As the race progressed I realized it was a mistake to agree to do this race. I was started to get tired…really tired. At about the 1 ½ hour mark I was starting to get cramps in my legs, shoulders, fingers, toenails…you get the picture. I couldn’t sit down to relieve the leg cramps because monkey butt had also set in. I’m not sure which hurt more!

Every lap seemed like an eternity. Except for racing Barstow to Vegas 20 years ago, I was more exhausted than I have ever been while riding a dirtbike. I think I was hallucinating because the three hairy dudes who had the pit board by the finish started to look like Vegas dancing girls. I had to consciously remind myself to breathe because my natural life sustaining mechanisms were falling asleep.

Today my body feels like hammered road kill. Would I do it again next year?…absolutely not. I have a year to convince Ed that he and I can be partners for the team race.

Ride safe, Ernie

--Driver of the mighty #314 bikes--

Yamaha of Cucamonga,
Sick Suspension, Amsoil

11-26-05

The age-old question of “What do you want for Christmas” was asked today. My answer was “I don’t know, I have everything I need”. The response was “Not funny, I’m not going to be out at the last minute shopping for you”. I then said “Let me think about it for a couple days”. I thought about the question for most of the day today and I still don’t have an answer. One of my biggest concerns is I don’t know if there is a dollar limit on what I should ask for. I would really like one of those HUGE stand up air compressors but they are pretty pricey, an 06 YZ450F would be nice to see under the tree, a new set of knees would be nice but, in all honesty I have no clue what I would like for Christmas. I guess I’m going to have to start paying attention to what I see around Yamaha of Cucamonga, Home Depot, Sears, Harbor Freight or any other man store and find out what may tickle my fancy. I do know I don’t want the traditional mom present of socks and underwear (that don’t fit) again this year.

The GP is closing in on us and I haven’t been on the YZ, well…except to roll it out of the 5th wheel, since Mesquite. I’m not sure what it is but I have absolutely no motivation or desire to ride. My passion for dirtbikes has been on the back burner since my transfer 6 weeks ago to the Hesperia Station. I need to get myself together and ride at least once before the GP. The reality of it is I know that the Ironman grudge match against BIG…….e will be over shortly after it starts. I will pass Ed on the roughest section of the track. I know I can accomplish this because he will be sitting down, compressing his spine and neck while swapping back and forth all over the track in that section. If that doesn’t work, as I said before, I’ll simply cheat. I cannot allow that hose dragger to beat me!!

Ride safe, Ernie

11-19-05

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VICE- GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing grease out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2 X 4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build up.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that your battery is dead as a door nail, just as you thought.

METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads and can double as oil filter removal wrench by stabbing through stubborn oil filters.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.

PRYBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

I know we can all relate to this.

Ride safe, Ernie

11-7-05

We recently buried another Deputy Sheriff from our department. He was involved in an on duty traffic collision while riding his motor. He was responding to a call of a T/C when someone backed out of a driveway in front of him. He was the second Rancho Cucamonga Deputy Sheriff to be killed on a motor in 13 months and neither time were the deputies at fault. The department big wigs all had a meeting at the head shed to decide if they wanted to disband the motor program. They argued both for and against the program however the Sheriff stood tall and is allowing the program to continue. I am proud to work for a man who will stand up for what he believes is the right thing.

On a brighter side, I am in training for the GP. It is only a month away and I have gained 5 pounds in the last month. None of the extra weight can be attributed to the addition of any muscle. You see, I was talking to BIG……e and he turned me on to the diet of aging mx’ers…it is called the “I’m to old to care about my diet” diet. It has really helped me in my quest to prepare for the upcoming Ironman portion of the GP. I’m not even sure that BIG……e realizes what he is on to with this diet. My downhill speeds will be up which will increase my corner speeds, at least for the first couple of corners before gravity catches back up!!! I am a bit concerned about uphill speeds but I know my YZ250 will be up to the task of hauling my fatness up the hills.

I’m looking forward to the challenge of the Ironman portion of the GP. Ed and I are in it for the fun of it but there is still a bit of competition lingering between us. He has this elaborate plan of playing with my psyche by putting in his journal that he is playing basketball twice a day. My game plan is simple, I’m going to cheat. I’ll let BIG……e get out in front of me and I’ll watch his lines. I hope the track gets really rough because we all know he won’t be standing up, especially late in the race. I’ll pester him the whole race and strategically plan my pass in an area where no one will be able to see me cut the track. Just kidding. Two hours is a long time and I’m thinking neither one of us will be going very fast towards the end.

Hey BIG……e, any side bets on how many times McKenna will lap us???!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

10-27-05

There’s nothing like a good practical joke. When you play a joke on someone you have to expect some retaliation. The retaliation is sometimes as good as or better than the original joke. Last year when I found out I was getting transferred to the Fontana Station I knew Haz was working at County Fire Station 73 in Fontana. So, I set my plan in motion.

My first night on patrol in Fontana I rolled by Station 73 and did not see Haz’s truck in the lot. Good. Firemen notoriously “stage” so it was no surprise to me when I found they had barricaded themselves in the station I had to knock on the door to get in. After fouling their restroom I asked them if some dude named Frieling worked there. They proudly said “yes”. I told them I raced with him in the FPMX. I then asked “is he really gay”? The smiles left their faces, as did any color they had. It was all I could do to contain myself. They said “WA-WA-WHAT”, so I repeated my question and they answered “don’t know, is he”? I replied, “You guys work with him and that is why I’m asking you”. This same scenario played out again that night and many different times at scenes and stations over the next few days. These fire guys were dumbfounded, shocked and in a state of disbelief.

I stayed away from Haz over the next several days because I didn’t want to get hurt by friendly fire. A couple weeks later I see him and he tells me he was at a training class and was asked if the rumor that he is gay is true. He vehemently denied the allegations and told them it was all a misunderstanding. He tells me the rumor had apparently spread throughout their department. I actually felt kind of bad for a minute but after we laughed and joked about it I figured it was over.

About a month ago I found out I was getting transferred to the Hesperia Station. Amazingly enough, Haz also recently transferred to County Fire Station 301 in Hesperia. My plan to double-cross Haz again was set in motion. I never said anything to Haz about my transfer and it was all I could do to keep it to myself at Mesquite. Little did I know Haz had done some recon of his own and already knew I was en route to Hesperia. He set his own triple-cross plan into motion.

He was going to find some gay pride parade propaganda on the internet, photo shop my picture into it and get it to the Hesperia Station before my first day there. His plan didn’t work out because he ran out of time and more importantly, he was afraid Moto Rooter (his lovely wife GiGi) would see the gay pride parade search history on their computer and freak out. Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good!!! I’m sure my time is coming and I’ll be the victim of a vicious counter attack. Until then I’ll just lay low and keep looking over my shoulder.

Ride safe, Ernie

10-25-05

Now that I have had some time to reflect back on the entire year of FPMX racing I have a couple of moments that stand out in my mind. Overall, the venues, the racing and most importantly the camaraderie were outstanding. We are truly lucky to have BIG…….e and his lovely bride Sue, Brad, Ryan, Steve, Mike (HAZ) and many others working together to make the FPMX a top-notch organization. It is truly a pleasure to race with this group.

Now the moments:

Moment #1 – Arizona Cycle Park. As usual BIG……….e and I are bantering back and forth about how bad we are going to whip up on each other on the track. BIG…….e takes a HUGE digger on the finish line jump and TKO’s himself. I never even got onto the track at the same time as him. So much for the battle royale.

Moment #2 – Glen Helen. I dislike that place so much I don’t even remember being there!!!

Moment #3 – I-5 mx. My old buddy Greg Green made a comeback from his broken neck a few years earlier. I’m amazed he ever got a bike again and even more amazed that he still has most of the speed he had before that horrible crash. And who could forget the boxing match in the pits after a moto.

Moment #4 – Mesquite MX Park. This is probably the most memorable of them all. I clenched the 50+ number 1 plate AND I got to see the excitement of Mark Davenport’s return to FPMX racing. My guess is he was being low keyed about it all leading up to the event. When I saw him unload the YZ250 I could see the twinkle in his eyes and I knew he would be back on the track very soon. Watching him on the track had me more nervous than when Russ is racing. We all knew that Mark (and Dee) had put in a lot of hard work to get to this point. He did make the mistake of listening to Erv and missed the first lap of his first moto. The grin on his face, the dirt on his teeth, the sweat, the smell of a 2 stroke, hurling himself through the air and of course celebrating with some Silver Bullets and a cigar…….it was priceless. Congratulations on a successful return Mark. We are all happy for you.

Ride safe, Ernie

10-18-05

The last week was an EK bike week! After the Nationals I turned around and left early Friday morning for Desert Thunder at Primm. Desert Thunder is a street bike gathering that is sponsored by our department. It is an annual event that I have attended for the last several years. With a department the size of ours it is like an old home week as you get to see people you haven’t seen since the last Primm run. The best thing is that all proceeds from the event go to benefit children’s charities. And, since we all stayed at Buffalo Bill’s and there was no need to drive home, it did include the consumption of mass quantities!!!

The Nationals at Mesquite were a ton-o-fun. Even though I took a wide open third gear digger at the bottom of the downhill I thought the track was fun. I didn’t really care for the blind step-downs but when I realized I wasn’t going to be doing them I changed my attitude towards them. I accepted them for what they were and I knew that as long as I didn’t get crazy during the moto’s I’d be fine. In the far recesses of my pea brain I also knew that as long as I didn’t DNS/DNF any motos the 50+ Championship would be mine. My plan worked to perfection.

I must honestly (and embarrassingly) admit the banquet was much better than I thought it would be. The price (although originally a shocker) turned out to be more than fair. The food and entertainment were great and it certainly appeared the crowd also had a great time. Having Jamie Little there to announce the class champions and hand out the #1 plates was spectacular. Even though we all know better, I felt like I was a somebody receiving my #1 plate from her. Having BIG…….e taking a photo of me with Jamie AND my #1 plate was an unbelievable feeling. All that and as an added bonus we witnessed Jamie keeping our favorite announcer in check. That, by itself, was worth the price of admission!!!!

On a final note, it appears to be a good thing the Shape-O-Meter is about topped out. Otherwise, someone would have hurt himself when he took his falls off the chair!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

10-4-05

The final countdown to Mesquite is upon us. Some of you are leaving early to go to the U.S. Open of Supercross in Vegas. Some of us are skipping that event for various reasons. Like BIG…….e, I am disappointed that I haven’t had time to ride before the event. Since I haven’t even been on my bike since I-5, rounds 7 & 8 should be interesting. My plan was to leave town when Russ got off work on Saturday evening, spend what is left of the night at either Primm or Vegas. Then head up to Mesquite early Sunday morning to get in some practice. Well, things have changed as my station commander is being transferred and his going away party is Saturday night. I have a tremendous loyalty to the man so we’ll be getting a much later start northward than originally planned. We are still hoping to get there with some time to spare and be able to get on the track for some practice. Since I’m in such great shape I simply hope I don’t burn myself out after a few laps of practice!!

I have five and a half years until retirement and things are starting to fall into place. The recent purchase of 40 acres in Show Low, Arizona is a nice start. Show low borders the White Mountains in eastern Az. and the town was won in a low-ball poker game back in the middle 1800’s, hence the name Show Low. The name of the compound will be the Tin Star Ranch. It has a bluff that divides the property almost in half and the house will be on the top of the bluff. Where the house will be located there will be about a 300* view of three different valleys…very nice!! There will be plenty of property for the house, barn, metal building, the Tin Star Petting Zoo and eventually a MX track. One of the things I really like about it is on a clear day you can only see about 250 miles. I can see it now, the county sheriff’s office getting calls that old man Kopasz is drunk and sitting on his porch shooting at the neighbors again. I can’t wait!!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

9-30-05

Things have finally settled down. My marathon shifts are over. I worked 12 straight graves with a bunch of additional overtime added into the mix. My sorry butt was dragging. It’s all over now and hopefully things will return to normal. This weekend I have a schedule change from graves to 4 months of days. I like graves for all of the obvious reasons but human beings are not designed to be nocturnal. I dislike dayshift for all of the obvious reasons but driving up and down the pass with all of the commuter traffic is the worst. I sometimes wonder what is worse…dealing with commuter traffic or living like a vampire.

I’m looking forward to the trip to Mesquite. Over a hundred pre-entries so far and many attending the banquet will make for a great time. My son Russ is taking a couple of days off work so he can come with his old man, race the civilian class and experience the banquet festivities. Since he goes to college full time, works full time and has a hottie girlfriend I don’t get to spend as much time with him as I would like. This trip will give us some time together. We plan on heading up around 6pm on Saturday evening after he gets off work. That will give us a chance to get in some practice on Sunday and then chill out at the Cabin, White House and Dog House compound.

BIG………e challenged me to run the iron man class at the G.P. in December. It will be for fun and, of course, bragging rights between the two of us. I happily agreed to the challenge as we have a friendly rivalry that includes (on occasion) trading insults back and forth. I figure it this way, if he rides like he does in a regular national moto he will be toasted after the first lap making my job of whipping up on him pretty easy. I will be looking forward to the pit stop so I can catch my breath, grab a drink, smoke a cigar and gas up before his rolling banana even enters the pits. After sitting back and thinking about this whole iron man thing, 2 hours of racing is a long time. I’m absolutely positive that at the end of the race both Ed and I will have to be pried off of our bikes. Sounds like fun and I can’t wait………….not!!!!!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

9-22-05

Just quick note this go around. This has been a hectic last two weeks for me. My shift partner is on vacation and I haven’t had a day off since…well, I can’t remember. I’m tired, worn out and still haven’t ridden the mighty YZ250 since I-5. Despite all of this it pales in comparison when I think of Mark Davenport and his team sloshing through the muck while they are assigned to New Orleans. For those who have been assigned to that disaster area and those that have volunteered to go help have my total admiration. Just looking at the photos and news coverage of the devastation in that area is astonishing. I would not want to be working in that mess.

Now another hurricane is expected to reach the shores of Texas soon. Hopefully this one’s power will diminish some before she hits land. Mother Nature is a powerful woman.

Godspeed to those who have suffered through, been assigned to and volunteered at the hurricane disaster areas.

Ride safe, Ernie

9-12-05

I didn’t go to the AMA National at the Hack. I haven’t even ridden my bike since the I-5 round of our nationals. I don’t know what is wrong with me but lately I just don’t have any motivation to ride. I have been ill with a sinus infection and working a bunch of overtime in addition to the NASCAR race at the California Speedway and I am just plain tired. Cherie’s grandmother passed away this last week and we had all of that to deal with too. When I get tired like this I just want to lay around and let my body rest. That is probably the opposite of what I should be doing but I can’t seem to get out of this funk.

The near future doesn’t look to good for getting in any saddle time either. Starting Tuesday night I won’t have any days off for 2 ½ weeks because my shift partner (a new Sgt.) will be on vacation. There is another Sgt. on vacation at the same so that leaves three of us to suck up all of the extra shifts. The extra cash will be nice but I’m just getting to old to work that much without a day off here and there. I mean it’s not like we are firemen and get to sleep during our shifts.

I did have a few good laughs this last week. A pursuit from West Covina came into our area a couple of nights ago. I was looking for Todd Black but never saw him there. The guy eventually pulled into a K-Mart parking lot and gave up. While the CHiPPY was searching him I asked him why he pulled into the parking lot and gave up. He told me he has heard about the cops out here in Fontana and he wanted to pull into a well-lit and populated area so “I wouldn’t get my ass kicked”. These crooks are getting educated but at the same time they are taking all of the fun out of it for us!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

9-6-05

I don’t remember the exact year but it had to be in the early 90’s. The Police Olympics (as they were then called) were held up at Prairie City OHV area commonly known to us motoheads as Hangtown. Day one was mx and day two was European Scrambles. This really fast dude named McKenna ran his two classes on mx day and as usual, embarrassed the competition. On ES day he just couldn’t get enough riding in. For one of the ES races he borrowed (if memory serves me correctly) a box stock KDX 200 from one of the track personnel. It was a last minute decision and he started well after the others had blasted off the line. After a couple laps he was leading the class and ended up winning the O/A. The rear fender tool pouch could not stand up to the beating Eric gave that bike and I’m sure the contents of that pouch were strewn out all over that scrambles course. That poor KDX200 was nothing more than a clapped out heap of trash when he took it out on the course. Can you imagine what it was like when was done with it? In its defense, it was still running when he crossed the finish line and that says a lot about the durability of that bike.

Eric is one of the most soft-spoken and humble fast guys I have ever met. He has always been courteous when passing us slower riders and we appreciate that. As you can probably tell I have am a McKenna fan. His smooth style is something I and many others and have tried to emulate for years.

Joe Benson is also soft spoken and humble and like Eric, he has a smooth style on the track. I stood at the fence and watched in amazement when Joe was at Racetown a few months back. While riding a borrowed bike he was still unbelievably fast. The speed he carries in the turns is impressive and he is a jumping fool. I guess it helps when you get to ride James Stewart’s hand-me-downs.

Now, if we could just get Eric and Joe in a couple of motos together THAT would be a show worthy of FPMX memories.

Ride safe, Ernie

8-29-05

I was cleaning out the closet this morning and ran across my old Yamaha and Kawasaki jerseys from the early 70’s. The black marks on the Yamaha jersey are from my buddy Wayne's 501 Maico after he launched himself off the bike and I was the only thing between the bike and the ground. Ahhhhhhh, the memories!! Yes, and as much as I hate to admit it I rode something other than a Yamaha at one time in my riding life. The very first bike that I could call my own was a 1972 Kawasaki 125 Enduro with the rotary valve intake. When I turned 14 I begged my parents for a bike but my mom would have nothing to do with that idea. She told me that if I wanted a bike I would have to go out and work for the money to buy it. She thought she had me with that requirement because I was pretty lazy as a kid.

During the summer of my high school freshman year I went to work for my best friends Mark’s dad. He was a school teacher and during the summer months he had a small business and did school desktop repairs. That summer Mark, his dad and I traveled all over the state working at different schools. We worked from 7am until dusk every day. I made a whopping $300.00 that summer. Not enough to get a bike but a good start. The following year I was 15 and did the same thing. At the end of the summer I was 15 ½ and could get my motorcycle permit. I finally had enough to get the bike AND a white Bell Star helmet. I was on top of the world.

That bike was like a brother to me as we went everywhere together. I rode that thing to school, to work at Alpha Beta, in the rain, in the cold and whatnot. When I got old enough to get a work permit I got a great job bagging groceries at Alpha Beta that allowed me to get a brand spanking new 1972 Pinto after I turned 16. I was the richest kid in Alta Loma (now Rancho Cucamonga). My Pinto had American mags, a Hooker header, Goodyear Rally tires and Pioneer speakers that were powered by the finest Muncie 8 track stereo money could buy. I was King Turd on Crap Island. I truly enjoy these strolls down memory lane.

Ride safe, Ernie

8-28-05

Had to work some O.T. this last week so I’m a tad late (by my standards) on this edition of the High Side. I try to do two a week but sometimes that just doesn’t work out very well. I received an e-mail a couple days ago questioning my viewpoint on a subject in one of the articles. It is not my intent or desire to question the dedication or loyalty of any of us here or to pit cops against firemen. It does not concern me when someone calls me a donut eater, gunslinger, pig or whatever. If I have offended any readers by using the term nozzlehead I apologize. I will refrain from using that term in the future. I did however, appreciate the senders e-mail instead of blasting me on the message board. For that, I say thank you.

Diversity is what makes us all different from each other. We all have different upbringings, backgrounds, viewpoints and opinions of a subject matter, regardless of what it may be. Otherwise we would simply be clones and (IMHO) that wouldn’t be any fun at all. What brings us together is the fact that we share a passion for a sport that few can honestly say they have ever enjoyed. We are allowed to be a part of this brotherhood via a common denominator known as the FPMX.

Every day on my way to and from work as well as throughout my day (night) I think of topics that would be worthy of input here in my pearls of wisdom. Many of my thoughts revolve around cop work but I don’t use the majority of those because I don’t think they would be appropriate for all readers. Not because most of us in the public service “industry” wouldn’t understand but because of the subject matter. Besides, most of the time I forget what the topics are before I travel another 5 miles down the road. Apparently this is just another telltale sign of the onset of geezeritis. Now, what was I talking about??

Ride safe, Ernie

8-21-05

WOW, you guys and gals amaze me. After all of the conversations over the last several days about the costs of racing, many of you have come through with a great outpouring of support so Aubri Dunn can make it to Steel City, Pa for her last WMA Pro race of the year. The largest donations (known as of this writing) have been Chuck Dollison who donated airline miles for her airline flight and from Rob Irwin who added a whopping $100 in cash. The remainder of you who have donated also deserve kudos as I’m sure a gift of any amount toward the cause is appreciated by BIG…….e and especially Aubri. I would like to personally thank everyone who has donated to the cause. This, in part, is what makes the FPMX such a great organization.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to go to the AMA National at the Hack next month. I truly enjoy watching the pros with their incredible speed and talent. They make it look so effortless and easy but, every time I attend one of the Pro races, whether it is Supercross, the Vet Nationals or the AMA Nationals, I leave the event feeling horribly depressed. I know I will never have the speed of an RC or CR but after watching those guys they make me feel slow, really really slow. Well, sometimes the reality of the truth hurts but I still have a hell of a lot of fun while out on the track racing around acting like I’m fast. As I grow older and slower I believe having fun is all that really counts. Besides, they do make medication for battling depression!

Ride safe, Ernie

8-17-05

I have said this before and I’ll say it again. I have raced with many different racing clubs/organizations over the years. I have never…and I mean never…raced with a group as close knit as us FPMX’ers are. I’m talking about our time together while at the racetracks. While we don’t always get to socialize with each other away from the track because of work and family demands, our friendships while at the racing venues are unmatched. Is it because we share that “common bond”? That probably has a lot to do with it however, I insist the root cause is we all share a passion for a sport only a few can say they have experienced. My time spent in the White House/Dog House/Cabin compound, as well as strolling around in the pits saying hello to those I don’t get to see very often, is some of the most enjoyable and humorous I have ever had. The relaxed atmosphere at the events (sans the boxing matches in the pits!!) is what I desire at the races. Other than being able to live long enough to enjoy my retirement I just don’t think there could be a better way to spend time with your motohead friends.

A few nights ago I was on a call where a “citizen” had run from one of my boys after ditching his stolen transportation vehicle. The guy had run into a field and before my boys could get to him he tripped, fell and hit his head on something, probably a rock, causing a laceration and some bleeding. The local nozzleheads show up (with sleepers still in their eyes) to treat his injury before being transported to the County Hotel. It wasn’t until we removed him from the rear seat of his new taxi that I noticed he was wearing a green O’Neal jersey. Even though green is associated with a certain brand it perked my interest and I asked him what brand of bike he rode. He told me he didn’t have a bike…that was his. I asked what he meant and he told me he had stolen the jersey AND a Kawasaki at the same time from a residence in Fontana. HUH? He agreed to take us to his house where we recovered two stolen 2004 Kawasaki 125’s, a gear bag and returned them to the very happy victim. When he showed up to the house to regain ownership of his property he asked how we found them. I simply told him “Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good”. Only in Fontana.

Stay safe, Ernie

8-16-05

I have been reading the message board and pretty much staying out of the threads involving the hot topic right now. I can no longer hold my tongue and if what I am about to say irritates anyone please understand that my comments are not directed at any particular individual. These are general observations on my part.

Yes, the costs of racing as well as everything else we purchase, have seen monetary increases. Look at the real estate prices, gas prices and whatnot. In today’s marketplace Cherie and I could not afford to purchase the home we currently live in. I also never thought I would ever pay $6000.00 for a dirt bike. Simply absurd.

When I first started racing with the FPMX in 1989 and if I remember correctly, the entry fees were almost exactly the same as they were before this years price increase. After my several year hiatus and subsequent return to FPMX racing a couple of years ago I was shocked to find that the price of entry fees was virtually identical to what is was when I could no longer participate in 1992. When you look back at how the economy has changed over the last several years that was a hell of a bargain.

Without beating a dead horse, everything involved with racing has seen increases in costs. Ed covered many of the costs involved in his post replying to some “critics” but there are still many he did not mention. As has been said many times, either we can afford to race or we cannot. If you cannot please do not place yourself (or your household) into financial distress in order to participate in the events. Enough said.

The conversations on the message board regarding the costs of racing, the banquet and participating in the FPMX events has, IMHO, has risen to a new low. When Ed Wilson feels it is necessary to detail his expenditures in an effort to silence some “critics” I say it has gone too far. Even if Ed and Sue did make any money from promoting the FPMX it would be none of our business. Enough already.

Ride safe, Ernie

8-10-05

Two months left until the final rounds of the FPMX Nationals at the Mesquite MX Park. I am already getting anxious about the race. I think it is because I have ridden at the track a couple of times and really like it. Cherie isn’t sure if she will be able to get the time off to come with me to the race. She is a part of the transition team for a new jail we will be opening sometime towards the end of the year. They have a lot of work ahead of them because the facility the County bought was one of those contract prisons in Adelanto. Bringing it up to current county jail standards will be an intense process. On the brighter side of all of this my son Russ is taking a couple of days off work and will be coming up to race the support class. That excites me too because as he is growing older, working full time and going to college full time (and a hottie girlfriend) ol’ dad sees less and less of him.

As I sit here drinking my cup of coffee in the peace and quiet of a nice summer morning I look out the front window and see 50+ quail walking around in front of the house. They are feasting on the food my lovely wife has left out for them. I’m not much of a hunter (for non-criminal animals) but now I’m reconsidering. One well placed blast with the sawed off twice pipes and I could get several of them….just kidding. As I take a close look at these birds I realize it would take about 20 of them to even make a meal. In order to get 20 birds you would have to use almost a full box of 12 gauge rounds (providing you are a good shot), then spend the rest of the day cleaning them and cutting off their dime sized breasts. Then you have to try to figure out how to cook them, experiment with a recipe and ultimately feed them to the dogs because you screwed them up when you cooked them. Hunting these little birds just doesn’t seem worth it to me but, if they were the size of an eagle…….

Ride safe, Ernie

8-8-05

The oil companies have got my blood pressure up. When the price of a barrel of crude goes up we can expect a slight increase in the price per gallon at the pump. When the price of diesel has gone higher than $3.00 a gallon and is also substantially more than unleaded premium, something is seriously wrong. All of this is mysteriously occurring at the same time the oil companies are boasting record profits. Something is painfully wrong with this entire scenario. What can be done about it? I’m not completely sure but, IMHO, our government leaders need to step in and put a stop to this price gouging.

I’m also tired of hearing from the family (and their attorney) of the guy who was holding his toddler when he engaged into a gun battle with officers. As usual, the media is sensationalizing this ordeal beyond belief. Yes, this is a truly tragic situation for everyone involved. Has the attorney and media brainwashed these family members so to believe that the officers would not defend themselves when fired upon? Thank goodness the Chief of the LAPD is openly supporting the officers involved and the actions they took that day.

Sorry for the rant but can you tell I watched the evening network news today? I don't normally watch the news and now you all know why. Please excuse me while I go borrow some Midol from my lovely bride.

Ride safe, Ernie

8-1-05

I cannot believe it is August already. It feels like it was just January and we were in Arizona racing at ACP. I’m convinced that getting older makes the time go by quicker. Not really sure why, maybe part of the problem is the onset of geezeritis? I deny that I am a victim of the disease but I cannot remember if I am or not.

Time to start thinking about getting in shape for Mesquite. Unfortunately for me my lovely wife Cherie has put me on the accelerated fitness program. Last Saturday she had 300 bails of hay delivered to the house. We have a 40’ shipping container we keep the hay in (hay barn) and getting it from the stacks and into the container is just a ton-o-fun…no pun intended. Each bail weighs at least 100 pounds so moving the stack is quite the chore. It is especially fun moving the bails in 100* and 80% humidity weather. We can fit about 250 bails in the barn and the other 50 go out by the corals. All of this equates to lifting at least 30,000 pounds of hay. It is a heck of a workout and I’m going to get in shape or die trying. It’s a good thing I like this wife.

I figured after my comments about GiGi (MotoFan) Frieling and Trish (Mrs. Amsoil) Dicus I would have taken some shots. Either they haven’t read the last article or they have called each other and are conspiring against me. My guess is the latter would be more accurate. They are both nice ladies but you know what experts say about pissed off women. When you see me low crawling at Mesquite you’ll know why. Maybe they will never know it is me if I just carry around a bottle of the Captain’s and wear a FEN mask.

Ride safe, Ernie

07-28-05

I took my stepson to the Moonridge Animal Park (Big Bear Zoo) today. Being up in the altitude and in the slightly cooler weather was a nice break from the heat. As we were walking around peering into the cages of all of the animals we came across a three legged California Bear. This bear was missing most of its right front leg and for lack of a better description it had a stub for a leg. The bear managed to move about its cage just fine, albeit slow. I thought about riding and the injuries that go with the sport. After watching that three legged bear play around in the cage I realized the injuries I have sustained over the years are really nothing but minor detours in my road of life. Living life is what we make it.

It’s no secret that Haz and I always park the White House and the Cabin together at the races. I do take some hits from the boys at work for hanging out with a fireman but I tell them he and his lovely bride are OK. At the I-5 national GiGi (Motofan) Frieling rode me like a cheap suit. She was throwing out barbs my way all race weekend long. She got in some very good shots and I finally shot back. Nothing rude or hateful (well, nothing hateful) and we had some good laughs. I’m currently loading my arsenal of replies…because I know she’ll come out firing them off at the Mesquite rounds. It is all in fun.

Trish (Mrs. Amsoil) Dicus has indicated she was going to post some rebuttals to some of my comments both before and after I started writing the High Side article. If my memory serves me correctly (and the older I get it is failing faster than I want to admit) she was going to exploit some non-macho (sensitive) comments I made. I encouraged her to type away as I am in touch with my feminine side and secure in my masculinity. She said she was going to wait for the right time. What the heck is the right time?? She kind of has me intimidated!!! It’s a good thing Shannon (Mr. Amsoil) Dicus has enrolled me in the He-Man Woman Haters Club!! It is all in fun.

Ride safe, Ernie

07-24-05

I thought there would be more accolades for the L.A. County Fire Explorers for helping out the FPMX (read-all of us) with the flagging duties. There are very few posts in the thread Steve Marquez started about the help the flaggers gave us. I too am guilty of being of being lax in posting my appreciation so I took care of that tonight. You (we) can also send an e-mail directly to their post at the following addy, Post6@LACOFD.org

I haven’t ridden since rounds 5 & 6 at I-5. I do ride my new Yamaha Royal Star Venture to work but it just isn’t like time on the YZ. I wish in some ways it were more like the YZ mainly in the weight department. That thing is heavy weighing in at 800 lbs dry. It has most of the comforts that the car does, radio, cruise and it even comes with factory a/c!!! A ton-o-fun to ride…literally!!

I (and I know I speak for others too) missed seeing Joe Benson at rounds 5 & 6. Once again I was hoping to watch a battle between him and Eric McKenna but it never came to be. I don’t know for sure but I would guess that with all of the terrorist activities taking place abroad, Joe got his plans to come race with us changed at a moment’s notice. One of these days we will get to see a battle between Eric and Joe. I can see it now, the fences will be lined with people watching as the two fastest guys in FPMX history go at it just like at a national……uh……an AMA national. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that Eric and Joe can make it to Mesquite.

Stay safe, Ernie

07-18-05

Glad to read those of you who got broken up at I-5 are on the roads to recovery. Some of your recovery times will obviously be longer than others and I again wish all of you a speedy return to good health. When I saw McKenna go down a couple of times I realized that either I am so slow that I didn’t crash or I was plain old lucky. I’d like to think it was luck but as I have said before, I am a realist and I know what the real truth is!!

On the Tuesday morning practice I solicited the help of my coworker Greg (Rocky) Loup to help me with the two tables (after the six pack section) that headed back north. Greg helped me judge my speed and I finally grabbed up enough sak to do them. My plan was to do them in the moto’s….that was until we came around and there was a yellow flag before the first table. I saw Chris Waters lying on the ground (and obviously hurt) between the tables and all kinds of weird thoughts were bouncing around in my skull. I never did do the first one but I did do the second one as the landing was much safer than the first one.

I just read BIG……e’s journal about going to a red thumper. I seem to remember, in the not to distant past, him saying he will NEVER go back to a fourstroke because they are heavy, slow, “they don’t fit my riding style”, bla, bla, bla. Good luck in whatever you decide…just be ready to get worked over in Mesquite by an old fat guy riding a YZ 250 two stroke!!!!

Stay safe, Ernie

07-14-05

This weekend’s National at I-5 took its toll on a few people who crashed and got hurt. I wish for a full and speedy recovery to all of you and hope you all will be back out at the track as soon as your health permits. MX+ positive is a terrific elixir.

It was good to see everyone out at I-5. I was especially surprised to see my old nemesis Greg Green. I was surprised to see his name on the pre-entry list but in all honesty I thought BIG…….e was trying to play his mind games on me. Greg and I have raced against each other for many years with the OTHG, Police Olympics and of course, the FPMX. Many of you know his history but for those that do not Greg broke his neck at a few years ago at an FPMX event at Perris Raceway. Greg has augured himself into the ground many times over the years but this was the most serious injury he sustained. When I visited him in the hospital (which he has no recollection of) he swore to me that he was done racing. It was nice to see him back on the track and talking his trash in the pits!!

The next National at Mesquite will be a lot of fun. I have ridden that track a couple of times and it is very similar to I-5 as far as the dirt. It is clay based and is usually snotty in the morning but doesn’t dry out quite as fast as I-5. The pits are pretty flat and mostly gravel so that helps keep the dust down. The banquet after the race on Tuesday will be worth attending. It will be at the Casa Blanca Hotel and Casino and there will be some good bling to be raffled away. Since you have to be present to win there should be some excellent opportunities to win.

Ride safe, Ernie

7-7-05

I had a great time at the FPMX day at I-5. Thank you Bruce Hale for putting it together. I went through 3 gallons of gas riding the mighty Y250. I pounded out many laps and still couldn’t work up enough sak to do the infield tables/step ups in the cross wind. Now that I am a little older I like to think of it as smart riding instead of being a sissy. Sadly, I am a realist and know the truth.

The ride home was uneventful except for the delays on Hwy 138 near Pearblossom. They were doing a repaving project and stopped traffic a couple of times. As I was waiting in line I had the stereo cranked up and the a/c going. The next thing I now a guy is pounding on my window. It startled me and I was grabbing for my gat when I realized I had apparently dozed off while waiting for traffic to start moving again. He asked if I was ok and I said yes and apologized for the additional delay. When traffic ahead of me started moving and I didn’t this guy must have known from the dirty YZ in the back of the truck and after a hard day of riding what I was doing. He passed me at the passing lane and the back window of his truck was covered in dirt bike related stickers. Although very embarrassed that made me feel a bit better. At least he has some first hand experience with dirt toys. I guess this is another sign of being a geezer class racer. BIG ……….e, see what you have to look forward to???!!!

See you all at I-5. Stay safe, Ernie

7-4-05

I must apologize for being behind in getting the High Side out. Lots of reasons why but no excuses. Today is the 4th of July. I enjoy seeing all of the American flags flying and all of America celebrating. The last 229 years have been truly amazing.

Yesterday I went to the Hack with my son Russ and some of the kids from the shop. For some reason they were open for practice on a Sunday. The track was dry but not its usual rough self. It’s no secret I dislike the Hack but I hadn't been on my bike for 3 weeks and I actually had fun riding there. I also realized that as long as the motos at the I-5 National are a lap and a half long I should do ok!!!

When I arrived at the Hack I saw Kevin Arlotti in the parking lot loading up the 5th wheel. I had forgotten that on Saturday a few members of the FPMX family teamed up and raced in the 12 hours of Glen Helen. Kevin “Crimefighter” Arlotti, Shannon “Mr. Amsoil” Dicus, Eric “The Machine” McKenna, Greg “Ralph Mouth” Loup teamed up to earn a first or second in class. Kevin said the scoring hadn't been completed as of the time I talked to him but he was certain they had done very well. He said the conditions were tough and dusty. He also said Eric had set up the suspension on the bikes to perfection making it easier to maintain speed. They are now looking forward to and planning for the 24 hours of Glen Helen. Congratulations guys on a great finish.

Stay safe, Ernie

06-20-05

Russ and I spent father’s day at the Hack for round 3 of the Yamaha Dealer Series. Russ was 2nd in points for the fourstroke beginner class but he had a bad first moto. A kid who got out of control coming into a corner took him out on the first lap. We initially thought he had a bent rotor, as he couldn’t move the bike after the crash. Luckily, it turned out to be some mud jammed up in the caliper but his throttle was jammed up so he pulled off for a DNF. He got a good start in the 2nd moto but went down on lap one. He got up, rode hard and worked his way back up to 12th. It was a disappointing day for him as he fell in the overall points but we both drove ourselves home…and as far as I am concerned, that is a victory.

I’m not in very good shape for the I-5 round of the Nationals. I have been working hard getting things done around our 5 acres and that just takes up a lot of time. With 3 donkeys, 1 mule, 1 horse, 2 sheep, 4 dogs (and the list keeps on going) and my lovely wife working shift work I feel like…well…a laborer. I wonder if that is why she called me Sancho the other night…………………..things that make you go hummmmmm!!!!

Ride safe, Ernie

061405

Silly season is rapidly approaching us. The releases of the info on the 06 bikes from Yamaha and Honda have got people talking about getting new scoots. Honda has stayed pretty much status quo with some upgrades and BNG’s. Yamaha has the four stroke world standing up and taking a look. The 06 YZ-F’s will be aluminum framed along with some additional modifications. The look so much different from the Honda and Kawasaki/Suzuki (Honda clone) aluminum frames that we are used to seeing. I like the look of the new YZ-F’s and you all know I'm not really a Yamaha fan!!! Who will be the first FPMXer to show up at the track with a new YZ-F???

Father’s day is approaching us. This is an emotional time of the year for me. The memories of my father are many, some happy and some sad. He left this earth 24 years ago. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, all of the things he sacrificed in his life for his family and his desire for me to have a better life than his. I sure wish he were still around to come to the track with me. He would like to be hanging out with the FPMX crowd. Every day I grow older I realize my dad was a much smarter man than I thought he was...I regret that I hadn't listened more to what he tried to teach me about life. This coming weekend, grab your old man and thank him for all he has done for you.

Stay safe, Ernie

06-10-05

Injuries…they happen. Most of the ones we hear about are from some riding accident or some on duty situation. Every now and then someone will get hurt off duty while not on a bike. An off duty injury of this nature is described as one serious enough that you couldn’t even drag yourself onto the steps of the station and claim it happened on company property.

A couple nights ago in the area that I work (Fontana) we were busy. My boys had already put many of the communities finest into custody. We had a vehicle pursuit that ended in an altercation with the suspect. We were all ok. We had a domestic dispute that lead to the husband getting arrested for domestic violence. When the deputy went to arrest the husband the wife jumped on his back. A yell for help resulted in all of us showing up and both violators went to jail via the hospital for a pre-booking exam for injuries sustained during the arrests. We were all ok.

When the boys got back in service we went to a house known for narcotic sales. One of the boys had received info from a confidential informant that there was a pound of speed at the house. Prior to hitting the house we group up, make our game plan and get our games faces on. As we approach the pad people take off running like cockroaches do when a light comes on. Over fences, through back yards chasing the dude, getting chased by Fontana dogs (Haz can appreciate that) and finally taking the dude into custody. Several more went to jail and after a consent search of the pad a bunch of dope was found. We were all ok.

About an hour before EOW things finally slowed down. Since we never had time to grab a bite to eat the boys and I met at the local 7-11 for a soda and snack. We recap our night (brag to each other) and I double check that everyone has all of their fingers and toes. All is good and another night of fun in Fontana and we were all ok.

It’s time to head into the barn so we can unload our tools of the trade from our trusty steeds, prepare for the following day and another shift filled with fun. I get in my unit and as I am about to sit down I feel a stinger in my back. To make a long story short I had dislocated a rib in my back. After 3 days of electro therapy, the chiro twisting and pulling he got the rib back in place. I can finally breathe without pain. After all of the fun events of the evening I end up getting hurt getting into my patrol car. I guess I have officially reached GEEZER status. We are all ok!!!!

6-6-05 Friendly competition…it abounds in the FPMX circle of racing. I have competed with many different racing organizations and I can honestly say the FPMX races are the “nicest” motos I have ever participated in. There will always be an occasional incident of unwanted contact, especially late in a race when we are tired and still trying for the glory spot but the incidents are not very frequent. We all have the same thing in common and that is we go to work to protect those who cannot protect themselves. IMHO, that (in part) is what keeps us from hammering on each other during the races.

I have been approached at the races a couple of times and asked why I dislike Ed Wilson so much. HUH??…What?? What are you talking about?? I'm then told of our verbal (written) exchanges about how we regularly bash on each other on the message board and that Ed rips on me in his journal. I assure the asker of the fact that BIG…..e and I are not enemies. I explain that all is good between us and all of the bantering is in fun. They have walked away saying they believe me but I have my doubts!! I can say, in all honesty, that Ed and I are not enemies. I say all of this with the knowledge that if BIG…..e and I are ever in the same motos again and if he were ever ahead of me (which I doubt), I'd punk him in a corner as soon as I could………j/k.

Stay safe, EK

6-3-05 Welcome to High Side. This is the first installment of my new journal, article or whatever we want to call it. I feel very honored to have been asked by Ed Wilson the Grand Master of the FPMX network, to be a contributor to the web site. Those of you who know me can understand just how excited I am about this opportunity.

I first started racing with the FPMX organization when Ed started the organization in the late 80’s. It was so long ago I cannot remember if I started out racing 30+ Novice or Intermediate. I was competing with the likes of Mark Davenport, Alan Kent, Greg Bottrell, Jack Trotter and many others who I have unfortunately forgotten their names. I raced FPMX for a couple of years and then took a several year hiatus to attend to other matters. For three years in the early 90’s I was the Vice President and President of the Over The Hill Gang, a 30+ vet-racing club. That took up much of my time and then I was coaching little league and coupled with all of the other family things I simply did not have much time to ride.

I made my comeback to FPMX racing in 2001. I have been having more fun racing since my comeback than compared to when I was younger. I have found, as I grow older my priorities for competition have changed. Sure, I still want to do well on the track but winning isn’t my only desire any more. I have a HUGE desire to be able to drive myself home at the end of the day!! I even talk to my competition now, something I never did when I was younger. For me, it is all about having some serious fun.

Lastly (for now) I want to openly thank Ed Wilson for giving me the chance to attempt my writing skills in a whole different way than I am used to. And by the way BIG…….e, if you think this will stop the scud launches your way you are sadly mistaken.